Lost
by DeliciousDelights
Summary: Ella versus demon era - When Ella sneakes out to follow Rick and the others to Atlanta it was a big mistake. Getting injured and nobody knowing she went after them, she finds herself alone fighting dead bodies trying to eat her. How will she find a way back to her group? Ella just knew she would never give up until she would see her friends again, see him again ... (Daryl/OC)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey to those reading this fanfic! It has been a long time since i wrote anything and first time i write about The Walking Dead. Hope you like this one and I try to keep the characters like they are on the series. Any feedback is very much appreciated ;o) Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to The Walking Dead.** Just my characters.

I run. I fell. Everything turned black.  
Did they shoot us? Did they bomb the city?  
Hell, was I dying?

My eyes flickered open due to a pain through my body. I saw men, I saw strangers. It was too bright. I think they were yellin, but I didn't hear one word.  
Someone carried me. Was it a member of my group? I couldn't move, not even lift my head.  
I felt a sudden pang. Was that an explosion? I fell – no, someone carrying me fell. I saw the ground coming nearer and everything turned black, again.

* * *

It was black and it was pain. Everything hurt and was numb at the same time. Was I even awake or dead already? My thoughts went round and round in my head but my body did no action. I felt heavy, like something was pushing me down. Was it actually someone or something pushing me down or was it just the bad feelings that weighed me down? I tried to move again and again and suddenly I felt my hand moving. Did I do that or was there someone touching me?

All of a sudden pictures were in my head. Dead people walking … dead people eating the living ones … dead people killing … dead people killing my friends … My eyes widen in shock as i realized what had happend and I saw a head right in front of me. It gnarled and the cries it made were loud and annoying. It seemed to gnash its teeth in anger.

I was lying on my stomach and tried to lift my head. I immediately felt a harsh pain in my neck. I didn't mind the pain while I saw that thing in front of me. I turned around a saw a pile of people and trash on top of me. I looked back to the gnarling head and froze. It actually was just a head and a throat with a little bit of a body and an arm. Did it come closer?

I blinked and saw the arm moving a bit, this fuckin' head was coming closer. I tried to use my arms. One was under my body, but my right arm was pressed next to my hip. I used all my strength to shift and got it moved. I reached for a pipe next to me. As I moved I felt the creature crying louder and trying to reach me even harder. It was as if my moving was motivating that damn thing to come and get me faster. With the pipe in my right hand I shoved the head away from me.

"Ha!" Did I just hear someone laughing? I looked around but saw nothing. I inhaled deeply and tried to crawl from all the shit that was lying on me. I felt a movement from the pile of human crab on me and stopped moving. Was some of these people not dead, or above dead? I didn't have time to think or didn't want to waste time. I pushed myself out of all that just to see a hand to reach for me. I stumbled back over the geek with just a head and an arm, and almost fell again. My legs hurt and I couldn't feel my left arm. I looked to the ground and grabbed the pipe again, ready for whatever would come. A dead body approached from the pile of human shit I was lying under before. It seemed to be much stronger than that gnarling asshole to my feet. I felt adrenalin as I saw another of this dead walking body behind the one in front of me.

_You can do that Ella, you just have to deal with this for the moment. You will be safe in a bit._ I heard the voice of my brother in my head. _Right? _Was my askin' answer to his words.

I smashed the pipe on the side of its head and it fell to the ground. My left side hurt cause of the straining movement. But it paid out. The dead body was now dead for sure. I heard a gargling from the ground and looked at the half geek who tried to eat me before. I smashed mattered his head with the end of my pipe.

_One left._ I played with my pipe as if I was holding a bat. "Come on and try to get me you fuckin' …" I was interrupted by some more gnarling and a dragging sound behind me. I turned around to face a group of walking dead bodys coming right at me.

"Holy shit!"


	2. Chapter 2

**So this is the next chapter. I hope you liked the first one and kept on reading ;-D reviews are welcomed! This little story finaly starty and in the next chapter our well known Walking Dead groub will finally appear! Have fun reading! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Walking Dead! **

Was it a herd coming at me? I turned away from them and smashed the head of the one that sneaked up to me. I looked around. Any safe place here at all? I saw no way out of my misery. I stood next to a skyscraper, or better say what was left of it. On the other side were dead bodies and shattered stuff I would have to climb up. Should I go for that? As I started to panic I felt a pain in my left leg. A piece of glass was stuck in my leg. I guess luck wasn't on my side since shit hit the fan. Especially not today. I turned to see the dead geeks coming closer to me. Think Ella, think!

My heart began to beat faster and I felt sweat all over my body or was it blood? _Girl, come on. You know what to do. Get your pretty ass outta here! The bleedin won't stop when you stay here and do nothin'. _I wished that voice would just shut up. I closed my eyes, inhaled and exhaled. When I opened my eyes, I turned and wanted to face the herd, but I saw a ladder. The ladder was on another building and lead the way to the roof. It was worth a try. One last look back told me death was close behind. I wanted to run, but my leg hurt every step I took, so my running was more a limping. _Hurry bad ass!_

I jumped on the ladder to avoid the grabbing arm of the dead body that came close fast. "Fuck!" My whole body hurt as I clung to the ladder. I climbed up with just using my right hand. I still heard the gnarling of the bodies and hoped they couldn't climb up. Suddenly a glass next to me broke and a dead thing tried to bite me. I almost fell down in the crowd of dead geeks under me. I was shocked, was the hell damn city now full of these guys? My attacker fell out the window and into the crowd. I looked up to the roof and saw a figure with a baseball cap. Glenn?

Did he come after me? I tried to climb up faster, but I sweat like a pig which made it harder to get a good grip at the ladder. My breath got heavier. "Glenn, wait for me." Did I actually said these words or was it just imagination? Was I already hallucinating, that would clearly explain why I saw Glenn up there. I gripped for the next ladder but I missed it and almost fell back down but someone reached for my wrist and I dangled in the air. I looked at a hairy arm. A man's arm. That couldn't be Glenn's arm. I was about to panic when I was dragged on the roof.

"Look what we got." I looked at a very hairy man. He was kinda small, he wore a blue jeans and a black shirt. He had a baseball cab and I saw a gun on his side. "Thanks." I muttered. He let go off my wrist and I saw two more person I didn't know next to him. "You look bad. Have you been bitten?" The woman to the man's right talked to me. She was tall and thin, I swear she would have been a model. Her legs were suited in a short jeans and she wore a tank top. Her long blond pony tail looked as if she had been in the shower today. They all looked so clean and fresh. Suddenly the other person took a step towards me. "Are you dumb or what?" His gaze gave me a bad feeling. It definitely wasn't my lucky day. As he took another step and I backed off. "You alone?" He spoke again. I wasn't sure what to do. I thought about my knife that I must have lost during the shooting. His voice was like he drank too much alcohol. A raspy voice. I almost let out a cry. I thought about my friends, about …

"She is bleeding. I think she is in kind of a shock." I heard the woman talking as she interrupted my thoughts. The man who saved me spoke again. "Did a walker scratch you or bite you?" I shook my head. "Don't think so." The woman touched my limp arm. I grimaced in pain. "We have to take her to the doc." No, I didn't wanna go with these strangers. They must have seen my expression. "Don't worry, we are good people." I thought about a special guy who said that when I was a teen and in the end he tried to rob me. "Yeah sure." I mumbled. "Guess I heard that before." The woman slightly laughed. "You can't do it on your own when you look like shit." "Well thanks for the compliment." Was all I said.

I turned to see how I could escape. I looked into the distance, at the end of the buildings was a car heading out of the city. Was that the car Glenn rode last time? My heart tightened. "Come on little miss bloody ass, we can help you." Hairy guy was talking again. Did I even have a chance to escape here? Nobody knew I was gone, nobody knew I sneaked out. As realization, that nobody exactly knew where I might be, hit me, I was near to pass out. The woman grabbed my right arm. "Hey missy, stay awake." Why the hell did she even care?

"She did so good getting herself out of the pile of dead pricks. Thought she was dead when the shooting started. Now she faints by doing nothing?" My eyes were shut, I was so tired, but I still heard their damn voices. What the hell was he talking about? Have they been watching me when I tried to fight for my life? The voices faded as I faded into total darkness.

* * *

"She is pretty much worse than anything I have seen so far." Was that the model talking? I tried to open my eyes. "Will she make it?" Were they talking about me? I heard a motor and felt a movement, we must be in a car. "Don't know. She seems like a fighter." I smiled at that remark. That is what my brother used to call me too. My brother … "I say we should ditch her here and now!" I tried to open my eyes again, but still darkness was all around. Did they blindfold me? "No, that would not be right!" "She was alone, maybe someone is looking for her." "Maybe she is alone and has no one to look after her, to help her." "I say get rid of her now. Just open the door and throw her out." "You must be kidding John. You can't simply …" Voices were raised. "Shut up!" Someone silenced them. These people were talking about my fade over my head. I wanted to move but I felt a firm grip on my body. "Don't move. You lost hell lot of blood." Model chick must be next to me. "Where are you taking me?" She squeezed my right arm a bit. "To our little new home. Doc will stitch you up." Was she trying to comfort me? Her voice changed from bitch to nice. "Why did you blindfold me?" The man who seemed grumpy and huffish answered me. "So you cannot run away." I swallowed loud. "Don't be a pain in the ass." Model chick must be on my side. I wanted to ask questions, wanted to break free, but I was so tired. I wish I would have the strength to jump out and run to my group. But u was lost … no one knows I was gone neither did I knew where I was. We drove a while and I think a passed out from time to time.

The car abruptly came to a halt. "End of line. Get out!" The men laughed. I was near panic again as the shoved me out of the car.

**Hope you like it! This is my first Walking Dead FanFiction, so please review! I want to remain true to the characters that ll appear soon. So give me a broad hint if i fail to do so!**

**Thanks a lot ;o) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, I am back so soon. ;o) Had so many ideas hope you like how this is going on. The first chapters mainly focus on Ella, but now let us keep a look on Rick and co. Just want you to get to know Ella a little better. Reviews welcome!**

The flames of the CDC told them goodbye as the now smaller group left the place. "Ford Benning it is!" Shane had told everybody. No one knew really better, so everyone was moving the cars. When the group reached a highway, Daryl came to a halt. His truck was out of fuel, but that seemed to be a good thing. All cars stopped as they saw Daryl jumping out of his car. As Rick looked into the driving mirror, he rolled his eyes. "What the …" Carl looked at his father with big eyes and Lori gave him a worried look as well. "Wait in the car." He ordered and stepped out.

He went to Daryl who was working on the back of his truck. He seemed to want to ride the motorcycle instead of the car. "Need a hand?" Daryl just sniffed at him. Rick didn't move, he didn't know what to say. „ Ford Benning is our next try." Daryl seemed to be even more grumpy than before. Glenn also approached them. "Shouldn't we check our little campsite again?" Rick looked at him with a serious stare.

„What the fuck are you talking about?" Shane broke into the little conversation. "We are heading …" Glenn interrupted his angry words. „But Ella might be still there. We have to check again, maybe she went deep into the forest to seek shelter. Maybe she made it to Atlanta." Shane boiled with rage. "We are not going to this hell place back. You guys nearly didn't make it back." Almost everyone was slowly joining the talking group. "This is not open for discussion. We are going to leave now." As he turned he looked into Daryl's eyes. "What you stupid red…" This time Rick interrupted his words. „Stop it Shane." Shane turned around to face him. Anger was written all over his face. Andrea took one step forward. „I am not going back to the campsite." She was pale and seemed to be still in a shock. No one thought she would come out of the RV so soon. Dale was by her side with a comforting glance, but Andrea seemed mad at him.

Glenn was frustrated. "But we have to. We have to check if Ella came back. Maybe she is hurt." Shane was tearing his hair. "Maybe she is already with Amy or next to Jim!" Everyone silenced and some looked nervous at Andrea. But Andrea looked to the ground, she didn't want their pity. As she looked up, she met Daryl's gaze. She was pissed at everyone, mostly at Dale but she looked at Daryl first: "She was your little friend. Do you wanna go back?" Daryl didn't move but gave her an icy glare as she spat the words. „She was Amy's friend." Remembering Amy, Andrea felt pain in every corner of her body. "Amy …" Dale quickly came to her side, but she shushed him off. She swallowed the limb in her throat and fought tears back. "The hell you use my sister's name to get to me. You wanna know what … Ella left the camp and went after you. Amy saw her sneaking out but wasn't sure where she might be going. She told me in the morning she might have followed you." Daryl didn't lose his icy glare but one could tell his heart skipped a beat. Rick took hold of Andrea's shoulders and turned her to meet her eyes. "Are you sure about that?" Andrea nodded. "Why didn't you tell us earlier, when we were looking for her?" At first she didn't respond, but when she looked at Daryl once again who was dealing with his bike, she felt guilty. "I was in shock. I was in the RV the whole time and first heard she was lost when we were on our way to the CDC."

Daryl moved the bike to the ground. Rick held him back, but Daryl backed off. "Daryl wait!" "Wait for what?" "Your brother is gone and your friend too …" Daryl's hard voice cut him off. "Leave me be officer-know-it-all. You left my brother chained on a roof and that girl left on her own will." Everyone knew he grew a little fond on the girl since she was the only one talking to him back then. "

She left because of you." Andrea tried to apologize, but the way she tried was definitely wrong. Daryl pointed his finger at her. "Shut up bitch." Rick stood in front of Daryl so he couldn't see Andrea anymore. Rick heard about that girl Ella and met her before he left for Atlanta. She seemed to be a cheerful nature. He was told she was the only one getting along with Daryl, laughing at his remarks and helping him even when he pushed her away. He knew Daryl would wanna look for her, but the group needed to be protected and Daryl was a good shooter and a hunter too. They needed him and Rick would put his family over a girl he didn't know. He flinched at that thought … The world changed and he changed with it. He would always go for it, help to find a missing person, but now everything had changed.

Loris voice broke in on his thoughts. "We don't know where she might be. Is there any sense in going back?" "No sense in nothing." Was Daryl's answer, who jumped on his bike and started the motor. Andrea sniffed and walked back into the RV along with Dale. Carol never came out of the car and held Sofia close as she watched the scene from inside the car.

Daryl watched them when they slowly went back to their cars, but Rick never left his side. "Daryl, come with us. We need to protect these people. They need help." Daryl stared into nothing. "Who said I was leaving anyway?" "So you stay with us?" Daryl only gave him a short nod. When he was sure Daryl wouldn't leave, Rick eventually left to join his wife and kid in the car. The convoy of cars started to get moving and Daryl followed them deep in thoughts. His brother might be still alive. With a little smile on his lips he thought about his brother Merle. "Only a Dixon can kill a Dixon." He might have just one hand, but he stole the car and drove away. He left … even he knew Daryl would be at camp, he still left. He could have come back, but he didn't.

Daryl's thoughts suddenly drifted off to Ella. She was not afraid of him like the other women of their group. She always smiled at him but it wasn't a pity smile nor was it annoying. He liked the way her eyes lit up when she saw him and he never knew why and it looks like he will never know. Deep inside he knew he wanted to turn and search for her. She was innocent and alone. Maybe she wouldn't make it on her own, not like Merle who was on his own so many times.

He thought back of the day she sneaked up on him in the woods. At first he was mad at her, insulted her and told her to leave, but she didn't. She looked at him with a serious questioning look. No matter how hard he tried to get rid of her, she always came back, never resentful. On that day she told him he looked kinda sexy. Due to that statement he had stood up and wanted to stump away, but she grabbed his hand. Then everything went quick. He wanted to tear apart, but with a quick movement she pulled him to the ground. He was startled that she was so fast and really angry, but her innocent eyes told him to stay put. "I am maybe a quick one to knock you down, but I do not know how to kill." She just tried to prove him she is worth living. Daryl let out a bad laugh. "You could've just asked." He was mad at her, but understood. That day he trained her how to kill a walker with a knife.

All of a sudden the cars came to a stop and Daryl almost crashed into the RV. "What's going on?" Glenn's head came out of the RV. "Something is wrong with the damn car."

**Thanks for reading o) Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Will update soon! **


	4. Chapter 4

**The next chapter it is ;o) I hope u enjoyed reading this story so far. The next chapters focus manily on Ella, so u get to know her a little better. But don't worry, Rick and co will appear too, of course! But if you want more Daryl and co tell me! I already wrote on and will update asap. Have fun reading! **

I felt nothing but pain. As another hurtful feeling pierced through my body, I woke up. "Well hello, look who made it back to the living!" Model chick was sitting on a chair next to me. I looked around just to find me in a small room with a window. From the tree in front of it I could tell we must be at least at first floor. I scanned the room. I was lying in a bed, which filled most of the room. Model chick shifted in the chair. "You are safe." My eyes found hers. She looked a lot nicer than on the roof. Her expressions were not hard anymore, but a soft smile was on her lips. "You were asleep for 2 days. You are lucky Doc could stitch you up. He said you died on the table, but they could safe you. He used the defibrillator, that's why we didn't have power for a few hours." I watched her with curious eyes. "I was dead?" "You are one lucky bastard." She smirked.

I tried to get up, but my legs were chained to the bed. "What …?" "Oh, I forgot." She unlocked the chains with an embarrassed laugh. "We didn't know if you'd make it." I relaxed a bit.

"You shouldn't move." I tried to stand up anyway. "I have to move. I need to get away from here." She pushed me back on the bed and sat next beside me, too close for my taste. "I know in this world everything is scary at first and you do not trust us. But we are good people." I said nothing but moved a little away from her. "I am Alex." I looked at her outstretched hand. "No handshake?" She laughed awkwardly at me .

She seemed nice, but I didn't know where I was and I didn't come here voluntary. I looked down on me. Gauze bandage was wrapped around my left arm and red spots were on it. It must be still bleeding or maybe it finally stopped. Now that I saw the damage I felt the pain again. I tried to move my arm, which hurt, however I could move it. My right leg was bandaged too. Besides all the bandage I was only wearing my string and bra. I felt myself flushing. "Where the hell is my stuff?" Alex immediately stood up and went to the chair she sat on before. "You can have some of my clothes. We had to cut yours. It was full of blood and brain." "You threw away my clothes?" Becoming angry I stood up, but Alex pulled something from the back pocket of her jeans. She handed me the one thing what was left from my former life. The photo I always kept in my jeans. "Here!" I immediately took it from her. "Must be very important to you. I threw your clothes away, but that photo looked to be of high importance." I didn't comment on her statement but touched the photo carefully. I sat back on the bed and glanced at the picture of me and my brother. We were standing in my parent's garden on my birthday. He held my close and smiled. Tears welled up but I fought back the urge to cry. I touched my brother's face with one finger with a sad smile. _Don't dare cry bad ass. You need to be strong._ I wonder if his playfully voice will ever leave my head.

I noticed Alex moving and looked up. She handed me some clothes and I stood up from the bed. This time my leg hurt, but that didn't matter right now. I needed to be strong and get out of here to find my friends. I put on the light blue jeans and a white t-shirt with a colored rainbow. "Now don't you look sexy." I starred at Alex. She lifted her hands with a funny smile. "No offence." I put forth my hand. "I am Ella." She smiled and took my hand. "Nice to meet you Ella."

In that moment the door opened and a man in torn jeans and a white t-shirt came in. "Alex, I told you to tell me when she wakes up." "Sorry Doc." She playfully answered. The man came closer to me with an examining look. "So bad ass … ehm … I meant …" Did he just call me bad ass? Alex laughed out loud. "Sorry Ella, but John keeps on calling you bloody bad ass." Model chick was acting like we were still in a normal world, which reminded me of Amy. I shook my head, trying to focus. This was not a normal world anymore. I backed off from the man in front of me. Before I could say a word, the man called Doc spoke up. "Ella, what a beautiful name. Did Alex already tell you about the surgery?" I was wrapped up in bandages and woke up in underwear … Now people came at me friendly … This must be a dream.

Alex answered his question for me. "I just told her." He nodded. "So Ella. Welcome to our little hotel." "Hotel?" I hobbled passed Doc to look out of the window. I saw green grass and a high fence. Alex came next to me. "Me and my brother found this place. It was a hotel in the middle of the forest. We killed all the walking dead inside and since then more people came. We build the fence and found shelter. Now we are a group of 12 people protecting each other."

I didn't know what to think of this story she told me. A little cabin in the woods … wasn't that a horror movie? "Where is this forest?" I hoped it was near the campsite, I had to get back there. I hope Officer Rick Grimes, Glenn, T-Dog and Daryl made it out of the city before the shooting started. Daryl … I hope he found his brother alive.

I watchedfound Alex examining me. "You didn't come across a guy called Merle, did you?" Alex eyed me with a questioning look. "Never heard that name before." She turned to the man behind us. "You?" He shook his head. "Nope, sorry. Is that someone close to you?" I laughed at that. "No." Alex took my hand. "Hey Ella, you want me to show you around? Show you more nice people. I can tell you this place is safe and you might wanna stay at our little bed n' breakfast." I sighed. "I have to find my friends. I sneaked out and I want to go back. I didn't tell anyone that I was heading to Atlanta. They certainly are worried." My stomach suddenly growled. I blushed at the sound. Pushing the hungry feeling aside, I looked out of the window trying to figure out how to leave this place.

Doc clapped his hands. "You should eat first and tell us about your group. I am sure Alex will help you find them. If they are nice people we could all stay here together."

Was this really happening? Were this people really nice and I would be safe and sound. Could we all live here together? The fence outside in the garden looked pretty safe. It would be nice to have a peaceful sleep after all. And be reunited with my group.

**Thanks for reading o) Hope you enjoyed the chapter. ****Reviews welcome - as always! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Welcome back! Nice to see you guys still with me on this story. Enjoy reading, leave a comment ;o) Have fun reading on!  
As always: Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead, just my characters ...**

We sat at a table in the restaurant of this small but comfy hotel. It must have been a little hideaway from the city. I could imagine families sitting here, talking and eating, enjoying a lovely weekend off the city. But the room was dirty now and some of the inventory was broken. Examining the place, I had a sandwich in my hand, never thought tuna tasted that good. I always hated tuna but now I felt like eating real meat.

I told Alex and Doc, who turned out to be brother and sister, a little bit of my group. I wasn't telling everything and still kept some things to myself. "So Rick came back?" I nodded. "But he handcuffed that guy's brother on a roof?" I nodded again. "Then they went back for him?!" I nodded once again. They were talking rotational. They really were brother and sister. "Yeah. Daryl was going crazy. His brother was abandoned in the city handcuffed. He was going and Rick and T-Dog felt guilty I think and Glenn is just a fast small guy. Daryl would have gone on his own anyway, no matter what." I smirked. Alex turned to me. "You went all by yourself to follow Darren?" I didn't know this people and now Alex said the one thing that I didn't even wanted to realize myself. "His name is Daryl." I paused. "I wanted to go to Atlanta too. My Cousin Alice lives in there and I wanted to know if she was okay. But they didn't let me. They left and after a few hours I left too. I sneaked out when everyone was at their duty." Well that wasn't exactly true. I wanted to go with Daryl because I felt safe around him. Now i felt I had acted like a teenage girl with a teenage crush. But I was no teenager nor did I have a crush. _Keep telling yourself and maybe you'll believe it someday._ I starred at the empty plate in front of me, lost in thought. That had been a good sandwich. I grabbed the bottle of water and drank hastily.

"You went alone and told nobody? And you didn't find them in Atlanta?!" Alex' voice sounded baffled. "Didn't you know there are gangs in the city? Everyone is fighting for the smallest thing these days. You should have been more careful." I felt ashamed. I realized that I actually acted like a teenager, naïve and risky.

"This Daryl guy must be worth it when you were following him all on your own." I didn't comment on Docs appraisal, but he smiled at me. "Even you did not find them, you sure are a lucky girl. The shot went right through your arm and the cut on your leg is not deep enough to do real damage." He stood up. "I have to look at one of my patients. Alex can show you the place and when you feel better and ready, we can go search for your campsite." I smiled back at him. "Thanks." I watched him disappear and saw the two guys who saved me back in Atlanta at the other side of the room.

I turned to Alex. "Why are you guys willing to help me?" She just smiled. "Like I told you: We are good people. Since I saw you the first time, I thought you are one good person too. You fought for your life against the walkers and even during surgery you didn't seem to give up. I admire your will to survive and even you are not in a good shape you are willing to go out again, look for your group. I wish I had a friend like you when this all started." Was she naïve or just really really nice? She must be a good person, maybe someone you can trust in this shitty world. I shifted uncomfortable in my chair. "Ehm … thanks …"

She laughed with a little blushing and took my hand. "Wanna look around?" I didn't move but looked behind her at the two men approaching us. "Hey bloody bad ass." The man gave me a mischievous smile. Alex was annoyed and stood up. "Her name is Ella. Ella this is John and Mark." I remembered John already been an asshole in the car. He was the one who wanted to ditch me in the wilderness. Mark was the hairy guy who saved me. I looked at Mark. "Thanks for leaning me a helping hand up there." He laughed at my ambiguous words. "You were doing pretty good on your own."

John was more the Merle-kind-of-guy. "You did good on your own, saw you surviving when a fuckin' building explode. You even made it out in one piece." He looked me up and down. "Nice ass by the way." Yeah, he definitely would get along with Merle. Alex punched his shoulder. "Watch your mouth." She grabbed my arm. "Let's go." But I still didn't move.

"I really appreciate your help, but I want to go back to my group." I felt comfy around Alex and the guys didn't seem so bad, but I still was scared to be kinda alone. Since the beginning of this demon era I was with Shane, Lori and Carl. They saved me when my car conk out and toke me with them. Now I missed Amy's and Glenn's happy nature and all above I missed Daryl's grumpy behavior and how he could hate everyone and everything for nothing. "I am thankful what you did for me and want to pay you back, but I need to see my friends first." Mark examined me. His eyes rested on my wounds. "You think you are able to walk a long time?" I slowly nodded. "I have to go." Alex nodded. "Okay, then we go and take you to your group first. Seems like you are dead-set on finding your friends, so why argue?! But I can understand you, I would act the same if I lost my brother." She gave me a warm smile.

* * *

We were on the road soon. Doc didn't want us to go, said I was injured and should rest, but he needed medical supplies anyway. He told us to look for medicine and said a few pharmaceutical names I couldn't remember anymore. For me it was going back, returning to my group, but the others cared about supplies. John was driving the car in the direction of Atlanta, so I could make out a point I would remember how to get back to the campsite. He avoided getting too close to the city. He was still afraid we could get shot. He told me about a group who drove a tank and bombed walkers they came across. I wasn't eager to cross their way as well. Next to him sat Nick. He was in his forties and Alex told me he lost his whole family. He was silent and cautious, looking out of the window the whole time. Although he didn't talk during the drive, he seemed to be a carrying figure. Maybe this is what Dale had looked like in his better days. I smiled at my thoughts and was happy to be reunited with my friends.

Alex sat next to me. "You think you know where your campsite is?" I nodded. "The surroundings look familiar." I told John to drive left and soon we were heading up a hill. I saw the lake Amy and I hab been swimming in a few days ago. "We are almost there." My mood changed as I saw the familiar road I walked before. "Yeah, this is it!" I was excited and couldn't wait to see Amy again. She was the one staying positive and funny just like Glenn. I could see her in front of my inner eye tanning on top of the RV. She always tried me to join her.

But when we arrived on top, I was near crying. No cars, no RV, no tents. My eyes scanned the deserted area and saw leftovers, and the former fireplace. As soon as our car stopped I jumped out and looked around hastily. They were gone … stumbling over a broken tent, Alex caught me from falling. "Ella, are you sure we are right …?" I didn't listen, couldn't answer. My eyes widened as I saw graves. I walked towards the wooden crosses. "No …"

**We know were this is going, but Ella has no idea what happend. Hope she is able to handle it ... ;o) Well i know what is going to happen next and you will too if go on reading! Will update soon, promise! **

**See you soon!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey I am back! If you don't know what to do on the weekend, here is a little fill-in ;o) And this chapter is longer than the others. Sorry it is always a little short, but I'll work on that! Have fun reading!**

Down on my knees in front of one of the graves I began to shiver slightly. I couldn't believe it. Was Amy dead? Was this her grave? I looked at the wooden cross again. The bracelet Glenn gave to Amy a week ago was nailed to the cross. Tears began to fill my eyes.

- I remembered me and Glenn had been on a run and found a tent with two dead people. A man and a woman. The couple must have been attacked at night. The bodies were still in their sleeping bags, smelling like shit. We went through their stuff and found some batteries and crackers. Glenn searched through the bag of the woman and showed me a bra. "You need a new one?" First I blushed, but then just laughed at him. "Not my size." He continued searching the bag. "Don't think she'll need anything of this anymore!" I looked down on the half eaten bodies. "Let's keep going. I can't stand the smell any longer." But Glenn kept on looking through the bag. "Glenn!" The moment I wanted to drag him out the tent, he took out another acquirement. It was a silver bracelet with a pink pearl. "I guess that's not your size either." He smirked. I was almost out of the tent when I looked back at him. "That's more Amy's style!" -

Amy was the nicest of all the women and I really liked her. I imagined her right in front of me, smiling. She always smiled. No, this couldn't be true. This couldn't be right. I stood up and Alex looked at me with sad eyes. Her look made me feel even more shattered. I tried to avoid the gaze of the men who went along with us. This was a nightmare and it was getting worse. I shook off the bad thoughts. No, Amy had survived, she just had to.

I turned around to find other graves, nameless graves. I counted them and hoped that Glenn and Daryl were not lying in one of them. The crosses were bare and with no hint of the one buried underneath. I began to hysterically look from one grave to the next, my heartbeat sped up. I almost felt like dying from not knowing if Daryl was alive. In the moment of nearly losing consciousness, I felt Alex embracing me softly from behind. I was startled. She was some kind of foreigner to me, but still the comfort felt good. She didn't say one word. I think she knew that no words would make me feel better in any way. I felt tears welling up inside of me, but fought against the urge to cry. But it was hopeless, I felt the wet salty drops streaming down my face. And with the tears leaving my eyes, I felt hope leaving me too.

Do you know how it feels like being left behind? It feels like life is slipping through your hands and as much as you want to hold on, you cannot grab the twine that knits life. That is what I felt like in that scattering moment. I was devastated. It was like all fell down …

I felt like a lifeless shell clung to Alex' body. With dead eyes I watched the others examining the campsite. I saw Nick glancing around. He walked through garbage and stopped next to two dead persons I didn't know. "The Camp must have been attacked. I see graves but these guys are not buried." He must be right. "But no cars. The others must have left this place a while ago." A sudden pang hit me. They left without me? No hint, no note where they went? They were not here … no one was here …. Alex hugged me tighter as I began to quiver. "No …" I broke free from here hug and ran to the place where Daryl had pitch his tent. But the place where it should have been was empty. This must be a good thing, he must be alive. The others would never take his stuff with them. But that also meant he was gone too.

Alex silently approached me. After a little time had passed, she decided to talk first. "They are gone Ella." I fell down on my knees where once had been Daryl's tent. My leg hurt as my knees touched the muddy ground. "Be careful." Alex came to my side and lifted me up. "You leg is bleeding again." I laughed nervous. "Does that matter at all?" Her hands were still under my arms. "Ella, they were attacked. Maybe they thought you were dead because you haven't been around. They didn't know you were alive and in Atlanta. What do you think they should have done? Wait here, next to their buried friends? Maybe they are near, set up camp away from this place." She tried to cheer me up but it didn't work. Her words made sense but still … they left. Alex shook me softly to get my attention. "Don't shut down now. Let's drive around and see if they are somewhere close." She kneeled down and examined my leg. "You are bleeding again. I think the wound reopened. Maybe we should get back." I shook my head. I shoved her aside and made a few steps forward, looking down on Daryl's former bivouac.

I thought he was my friend. Why did it hurt me so much that he left? The last time we spoke, he was a bit more open, he even smirked at my words. I remembered us looking in each other's eyes, I thought I saw something in his eyes before he kinda awkwardly began to speak about skinning rabbits … As I took one last glance at the ground, I saw something between Daryl's leftovers. I shoved a bloody towel aside and saw a small pile of dirt. There was the hunting knife Daryl had given me to protect myself. It was stuck in the dirt like a cross on a grave and next to it someone wrote _R.I.P._ I felt tears on my face again. He must think I am dead. I took the knife, wipe away the tears and turned around. "I don't think they will come back."

The others looked at me with serious glances. "What?" Alex's eyes followed me as I moved to the car. "How do you know?" I went past her and John. "They think I am dead." They followed me to the car, where Nick was sitting on the hood. "Why do you thing that?" I showed him the knife. "It was a gift … it was mine. They left it here." His eyes showed sympathy, but I didn't care. I felt empty. If they think I was dead they won't be looking for me. But I could look for them, because I knew they were alive. At least I knew Daryl was definitely alive. That was the only thing that kept me going right now.

I got in the car and waited for the others to do the same. John got in last and started the engine. "Let's make a round and then go home." Alex sat next to me. "Ella, you okay?" She examined my leg and then her eyes wandered to meet mine. "He is alive." I told her with a husky voice. First she didn't know who I was talking about but then her lips became a small smile. "Okay. We go around, but we have to be back before dark!" I smiled back at her and mouthed a thank you.

* * *

We drove around the forest and even got on a highway. Alex studied a map in her lap while John drove around smashed cars, leftovers, and dead not-moving-people. I became nervous. There was no sign of them. Nothing. I wished Daryl would have taught me how to track, but it had already been hard to get through to him, not to mention to teach me how to skin an animal. None of these guys in the car knew how to track so it was just looking out of the window for the living. Alex moved her finger on the map. "We are already too far away from our hotel. It is getting late, we should head back!" John made a u-turn. They were right, but I needed a hint of my friends. I needed to know in which direction they may have gone. I saw John's reflection in the driving mirror. He was looking at me, but couldn't read his features. "We can stop at the campsite again, maybe someone came back." I was surprised by his offer. Maybe he wasn't all like Merle as I thought before.

When we arrived at the campsite it was still empty. "You have something I can write on to leave a note?" Alex nodded. She grabbed her bag from behind and pulled out a notebook and a pen. "Thanks." I exited the car and moved to the fireplace were a few stones were lying upon another.

_I am alive and keep looking for you! Ella _

I put my note under one of the stones so it was still visible. I dearly hoped someone of my group would come back and find it. I inhaled deeply before I went back to the car. As we drove away slowly, I took one last glance at the pile of stones and let out a silent prayer for someone to come back.

On the way back to the hotel no one said a word. Not even Alex who seemed to be talkative the whole time. I realized it was all my fault. I went away without telling someone. "We go on runs every now and then to gather supplies. You can stay with us and go on runs with me. Maybe we'll find them." I was looking out of the window but watched Alex reflection. "Thanks Alex." Maybe I would accept her offer. Better to go out with someone then alone and not even knowing where to go. I promised to myself I would go out every day … but was there even a point in doing so? Dark thoughts clouded my mind. My heart ached. I almost could hear it shatter in thousand pieces. I was broken … As I looked into the distance again, my head leant against the window, I heard his voice again. _You gonna give up so easily? Never thought you were that stupid. _I tried to shut it out. _Don't quail!_ Why couldn't he leave me alone right now … I just wanted to surrender to my thoughts, but he didn't let me. _Where is that smiling bad ass who annoyed me all the time? You will never give up, you will fight! _

I felt the cold steel of Daryl's hunting knife in my hands and held it tighter. I thought about him again, his blue eyes and his voice. I liked the sound of it and I missed it right now. I didn't mind if he would scream at me, affront me or make a sarcastic comment, I just wanted to hear his voice. _If you want to hear him you have to go look for him! Get your bad ass out there again and keep on looking!_

**Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it and please review ;o) As always: See you soon! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Good morning – afternoon – evening! Whatever time might be right now in your country. Here is my new chapter!  
There is a little bit more Daryl in this one, I hope I keep him original ... tell me if you don't like the way I describe him. **

**So my chapters get longer and longer ;o) Wow, this chapter has more than 3000 words ... I am really in the mood to write these days and already wrote the next chapter as well!**

**If you enjoy – or not enjoy – the story tell me ;o)**

The group has been on Hershel's farm a few days now. There was no more talking about losing Amy at the campsite, Jim on the way to the CDC or Jackie. No more talking about Ella. The last words about Ella were the ones of Andrea. At that point everyone thought she was dead, but they were wrong. Now that the group has moved far away from the campsite some felt guilty for not looking for Ella a bit more insistent. Maybe that was the point why no one spoke about her, it was guilt and shame. Daryl tried to push thoughts like that away and went into the woods again. The search for Sophia was important and it distracted him from all the thoughts about losing people, about Ella.

When he was hunting between the trees, looking for animals and a hint of Sophia, he felt better. He felt better to be alone, no one talking to him about what to do and what not. At the campsite it was easy not to talk to people or be talked to, because Merle was not one of the folksy people. Daryl and Merle were on their own most of the time, not only at camp but the entire life. Now Daryl was left alone, left by his brother. He breathed in deep. He was alone … The sight of a rabbit caught his attention before he could zone out. Happy to be distracted Daryl took his crossbow and shot the rabbit. "Meal number one."

When he came back from manhunt later, he went straight to his tent. He didn't want to be too close to the others. He has always been kind of a loner. But when he arrived at his tent he found Carol sitting on a log. "What do ya want?" His sudden appearance and sulky voice made her flinch. "I just wanted to thank you." He threw two squirrels and a rabbit on the table next to her. At the sight of the dead animals, she flinched again, but went on talking anyway. "You look for my little girl every day. I want …"

He interrupted her. "Ya should be out there. After all, it's your girl." She went silent and as she looked up, Daryl was sitting at the table skinning one of the animals he brought back. She stood up slowly and as she passed him by she stopped. "I know you look out for her, but don't go looking for a ghost. That will just wear you out." Daryl stuck his knife in the table and stood up. "Don't ya dare tell me that little girl is dead. I found a track and …"

He abruptly stopped talking. He couldn't believe Carol smiled at him. Daryl was confused and wanted to insult her for being insolent … call her a bitch, but she beat him to it. "I am not talking about my Sofia. I am talking about Ella." With that she went away and left a puzzled Daryl.

He sat back at the table to skin the almost half-skinned squirrel. But he couldn't really concentrate. Carol's voice echoed in his head. He is going into the woods every day in search for Sofia, but inwardly hoped to come across the girl with the bright eyes who always had a smile on her lips. He somehow couldn't accept that Ella might be dead. All the time Daryl had hoped to find a hint that she might have escaped when the camp had been attacked and now that Andrea had told she sneaked off, he damn hoped she was alive. He wanted to scream at her for sneaking out, teach her a lesson. At this, his thoughts went silent. Why did he want her to be alive so badly? He tried to shake off his thoughts, but in some way Ella wasn't really leaving his head. He looked at the bloody squirrel on the table. He had cut too deep. The animal was almost cut in half. He sniffed. "Damn it!" He tossed it to the side of the table, took the rabbit and began to skin it.

When in the woods killing a female walker, he had always checked if it was her. He was suddenly surprised that he thought about Ella again. Why did he always cringe a bit when he saw a brunette walker? Merle would be making fun of him when he would see him sitting here deep in thoughts. Daryl suddenly screamed in pain. While thinking he cut himself. "Damn!" He sucked at his forefinger. "Thinkin' too much is never a good thing."

But Ella reminded him so much of the little girl next door. The innocent one that could not survive on her own in a world that had gone to shit. She was a cheerful nature, never harming anyone. Since he and Merle have been together in this group, Ella was friendly to everyone. Even to Merle and him. They had watched her and Merle had made some comments on her, mostly concerning her ass. Daryl observed her a lot, but when she came too close to him, he insulted her and pushed her away, but she didn't care and stayed anyway. He just didn't understand that girl.

He snorted to himself. "To hell with all these fuckin' thoughts …" But he couldn't push them aside that easily. He made a promise to himself, if he would find Sofia alive, Ella might be alive too. If this little girl could do it in her own, Ella could do it too. And he knew Sophia was alive, she just had to. For the sake of this group …

* * *

**A few days later **

I really grew fond on Alex. She was starting to be like the sister I never had. She babbled on and on about her life and her brother and tried to cheer me up in anyway. It was nice. She was also willing to help me and went out with me every day, but still there was no sign of the others. It has been a week now that I met her and her companions and it started to feel like I had found a new group. Since I met them I wanted to find my group and didn't want to get to close to them, but now I realized that in this world a good group is better than no group. And since these people were really nice I think I found a new place to life eventually. But was it right to give up looking for my group to my own happiness?

I went to the SUV in the garden. Alex and John were already packing the car. We were in need of food and Doc told us to get medicine and stuff like that. He told us to look for a hospital or a doctor's office. He showed John a map where he marked some places we could be lucky finding supplies we needed. He also told us about a Center for Disease Control and Prevention in a city where we might find answers. It was a little far but he said it could be worth a try. John, Alex and me would go out again.

- I remembered overhearing a conversation about the CDC when I was looking for wild berries in the woods. I hit behind a tree when I saw Lori and Shane standing very close together. Lori asked him about the CDC, but Shane preferred to go somewhere safe, where he knew to find shelter. Indeed it was smart to seek shelter and be safe, but didn't he want to know if there was or will be a cure? I was more curious to know if there was a medicine to stop this rising hell. Back than Lori seemed to be my opinion, she tried to talk Shane into leaving in the direction of the DCD, but he grabbed her arm and told her about Carl to be safe. I never knew what it was about Shane and Lori and Carl. I thought they were friends, but these grownups acted more like they were intimate friends or even more … My overhearing of their little conversation ended, as Daryl found me sitting behind the trees listening to Shane and Lori. With a sly smile and a muffled voice he walked past me. "Never good to sit in a position where ya can be caught red-handed so easily." He didn't stop but kept on walking and I followed him. As I looked back I saw Shane still having Lori's arm in a tight grip. Then I wondered why Lori didn't protest to be touched so harshly.

Daryl didn't seem to notice or maybe didn't care that I was following him. We walked in silence, my thoughts spinning around how to start a conversation with Daryl. "Stop follwin' me!" He still didn't turn around. I didn't exactly know why I followed him. I just didn't want to be around Lori and Shane. I was afraid they heard what Daryl said about me eavesdropping and don't want to hear a speech from Shane again. So I walked in silence with my eyes on the ground. I watched the footprints of Daryl which he left in the muddy ground. "Why ya out on your own anyway? Don't even have a knife with ya!" I just had a small yellow bucket in my hand that must have been a kid's toy before. Now we used it to garner wild berries and other eatable stuff.

He still walked on, but didn't seem to be in a bad mood as always. His voice actually showed a hint of caring. I wanted to tease him, but I knew better and tried not to be too playful. Although it was against my nature … "I don't have a knife. You know Shane don't want us to have a gun either. So it's just me and my bucket." I smiled to his back. He was always wearing this vest with angel wings. Always wearing his kinda green T-shirt, this dark vest and torn black pants. Looking so dark … kind of ironic he had angel wings on his back. Or was I just seeing angel wings and they were just wings? Maybe there was something holy inside this man with the devilish mood all the time. I smiled to myself thinking of Daryl as the angel in disguise. As we kept on walking I realized we were not going back to camp. "Where are we going?"

Now he stopped. "I'm goin' to wash my bloody knife in the lake. Why ya followin' me?" As I didn't find the words he turned around, his eyes unreadable as always. He had his knife in his hands, it indeed was bloody. Did he show it to me so I was afraid? "I … I …" I stammered. "Because I feel more save around you than around Shane."

His lips began to form a rascally smile. "Ya should be afraid. I'm no good." I laughed at that and the smile on his face was gone as fast as it had appeared. He started to walk towards me with a quick pace, his forefinger pointed at me. He almost touched my chest when he stopped in front of me. "Ya laugh at that? Ya don't have a clue about this fuckin' world. Just get your ass back to camp and cook, woman." His lips were a thin line and his eyes tried to look furious but I saw something else in them.

"Believe me, you don't want to eat what I cook." He stepped back. Seemed like he didn't think I would react like that. "And I do not think you are no good. You go hunting for the whole group. I think I never said thank you for that."

His eyes stared at me in disbelief. "Ya ate somethin' ya cooked?"

I laughed again and thought I saw a small smile appear on his face too. "I mean it, thanks Daryl!"

In the moment I made a step towards him, he grabbed at his back and threw a knife at me. I didn't scream, not even flinched as I saw the knife flying in my direction. I felt the breeze of the flying knife near my head and heard a gulping behind me. I turned around and saw a walker lying on the ground. I looked at Daryl again. "Don't need to thank me!"

I walked to the walker, took the knight out of his head and walked back to Daryl. I offered him his knife but he refused. "Ya can have it. If ya go out next time to eavesdrop, better have a knife than a bucket." I looked at the bloody knife in my hands. "Thank you." But Daryl was already on the move.

Again I followed him. "Thank you." I tried again. "Maybe you can show me how to throw it just like you did?" He didn't answer and soon we arrived at the lake and he began to wash his knife and some arrows. "Staying away from me will keep ya out of danger in the first place." I sat next to him and also washed my newly owned weapon. "You know, I feel more safe around you than around anyone else." He lifted a brow. I instantly averted my eyes and tried not to look at him and concentrated on the knife in my hands. I wanted to tell him that all along, but I was too gutless. Now it was said and I hoped he wouldn't bitch about it. "You're hopeless."

Even the words were mean, I smiled to myself. His voice revealed something else, his harsh voice wasn't so rough this time. It was more like a saying and not a statement. Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw him smile too. -

"This time you might be out a few days longer." I looked at Nick who handed me a tent which I stored in the back of the car. "Yeah." "You need to watch each other's backs. I know you try to find your friends at any cost, but do not risk the lives of the others."

Was he lecturing me or what? I turned around. "Excuse me?"

His voice didn't change as he went on talking to me like a father to his daughter. "I know how hard it is to lose friends and family. It is even harder to realize you won't see them again, talk to them again, held them close." I couldn't read his eyes, he was too damn good to keep his composure. "I hope you will find them but the country is big and dangerous. Do not be disappointed if you have to stay with us longer than you've planned."

I smiled at him. "I will not be disappointed to stay with you guys. You're all pretty nice and my room is not too bad." I took my backpack and shoved it into the backseat.

"Just so you know, you are very much welcome here." Still not showing any sign of emotion he turned around and went into the hotel.

"What was that all about?" Alex called from the other side of the car. I shrugged. "Dunno." John put the map into the car. "I think he is afraid you will leave and never come back, bad ass." He just didn't stop calling me that name. I looked at him a little annoyed. "What the hell are you talking about?" He pointed a finger at me, like Daryl used to when he was angry or something like that. "I am talking about your ass leaving our little hotel when you'll find your group." I couldn't react or comment on his words, cause he opened the door and got in the car. I was astonished and looked at Alex, but she who was already in the car too.

I looked back to the hotel. I felt my heart being in a whirlwind of emotions. First this damn world got even more crappy and when I found a group to rely on I was left behind … my own fault. Now I found a new and secure home, a caring group and I felt like I'm going to abandon my new luck. Was I stupid or was I too damn optimistic?

When I was about to hoop into the car, someone touched my shoulder. I turned around to see Doc standing behind me. "Ella. Be careful. This time is more dangerous than the other runs. It's unknown territory." I nodded. "We'll make it back in one piece, I promise." I gave him an adventurous smile. "By the way, Nick grew fond on you. He told me you look and behave just like his daughter. He will be pissed if you won't make it back in one piece." As he used my words he made quotation marks with his fingers and grimaced.

"Oh!" I didn't know that and that made me feel a little awful. "Just be careful." Doc slowly made his way to the hotel as I jumped into the car. No one said a word. Now that I was sitting in the car thinking about nothing but my group, I began to grow excited. We will be heading farther than before, farther than the campsite. So there might be a real chance to find them. Unknown territory meant new territory they could be. I smiled to myself and touched the Daryl's hunting knife which was strapped to the side of my right leg.

Suddenly I realized we were not moving. "What's up?" John lit a cigarette. "We wait for Mark. He is coming with us." Even he didn't call me bad ass right now, I wanted to know why he used almost exactly the name Merle called me. "Why you keep calling me that name?" John turned in his seat and laughed out loud. "Got a problem with that?" I looked him in the eye. This feeling when someone is looking into you like he can see right into your soul took hold of me. "When I saw ya crawling out off the ruins bloody and bruised, it was like Tomb Raider coming to life. You looked all bad ass, ready to fight the world. That's why." He smiled at me whimsically.

The door opened and interrupted our little talk. Mark had a bag with weapons with him. "Ready to go!" At the sight of the guns I realized the risky situation. While I was thinking about reuniting with my group, I kind of forgot what world we lived in now. We definitely would kill walkers on our way, maybe find survivors.

I needed to stay at the bright side. _That is my bad ass. Stay strong, otherwise you will get eaten. _I laughed at that. "What's so funny?" I looked over to Alex. "Nothing! Let's get going and find us some supplies." John started the motor of the SUV. As we drove away Mark handed out guns. Two shotguns stayed in front of the car. He turned to us and gave us smaller guns. "Here lil' Miss Sunshine!"

He had given me some shooting lessons and it turned out I could shoot a walker in the head from more than 10 meters away. I remember Shane never wanted us to learn how to handle a gun. He was too damn chauvinistic. That's why I tried Daryl to teach me how to kill a walker with at least a knife. If not for his lessons, maybe I would already be walker food.

That was what counted these days. Handle a gun, kill a zombie. Survive!

**Thanks for reading guys!  
Seeing some favs and followers really keep me going! I promise you next chapter will be online asap! Have fun ;.D**

**XXX**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello guys, favs and followers, next chapter is on.  
This one is all about Daryl. Put some work into it, wanted it to be as Walking-Dead-realistic as could be o)  
Enjoy reading and tell me what you think!**

Daryl rode on a horse he "borrowed" from the Greens stable, as he and Merle would call it, to find Sophia. The trees looked all the same, but for Daryl they were not the same at all. Between this labyrinth of trees he could tell all the different kind of plants. There were a lot of maple trees and a wild berry bush to his left. It was untouched, still full of berries. Why did the view of a wild berry bush reminded him of a yellow bucket?

He led the horse to turn left. He had already found the little doll Sophia had with her when she ran away. She must be near. His thoughts were with this little girl who was alone and afraid. He had to find her. "Sophia!" But there was no answer.

Suddenly the horse began to snicker and buck. He tried to stay in the saddle or at least calm the damn horse down. "Woh, woho." But the horse threw him off. Everything happened so fast and in the next moment Daryl rolled down a hillside through leaves and branches, but couldn't get a hold on anything and fell into a small river. "Outch …" He felt a sudden pain. Not only did his head hurt, as he looked to his hip he saw one of his arrows pierced through his side. He tried to move it, but immense pain went through his body and he passed out.

* * *

"Why don't ya pull that arrow out … could bind your wound better." Bloody and weak, Daryl waked up, still at the bottom of the ridge. "Merle?" He could not believe his brother was sitting in front of him. Merle gave out a short laugh. "What's goin' on with ya? You're takin' a siesta or somethin'?"

"Shitty day bro!" Daryl tried to blink the fog of dizziness away.

"Want me to get ya a pillow? Maybe rub your feet? Or get ya that sweet little brunette bad ass to massage ya good spots?"

Daryl was tired and injured, he must be hallucinating. "Screw you!"

"You're the only one screwd from what it looks like! All them years I am trying to make a man out of you. This is the ending? Look at ya! Lying in the dirt like a used rubber. You're gonna die out here lil' brother. And for what?"

Daryl felt like taking a last breath. "Girl!" He blinked hard to focus. "I lost a little girl."

The vision of Merle was all blurry, but his voice was all clear … the raspy voice of Merle made him stay conscious. "So you got a thang for little girls now?"

Daryl didn't want to discuss anything with that hallucination-Merle. "Shut up!"

"I thought ya more fan of little Miss bad ass. Thought that brunette was ya taste. Didn't ya observe her every move?!"

Daryl swallowed. "I said shut up!"

"Oh, touchy." Merle leaned over Daryl. "Gotta notice, you weren't looking for old Merle no more. Not even for that brunette to fuck."

Daryl interrupted him. He was damn looking for his brother. "Tryin' like hell to find ya bro." Daryl's words were slow, almost like a whisper.

"Like hell ya did. You split man. Left out first chance you got." Merle seemed so much more vital than in the past. In any case better than Daryl was at the moment.

"You left out. All you'd gotta do was wait. We went back for ya. Rick and I …"

Merle cut him off. "This Rick who cut me to the roof top in the first place. Forced me to cut off my own hand. Is that who we're talkin' about here?" Daryl's eyes tried to focus. Everything was in foggy shades, but he could see both of Merles hands. "You his bitch now?"

Daryl tried to move but was too worn out. "I ain't nobody's bitch."

"Right. Not even have a bitch yourself no more. Miss Bad ass would've made a great little …"

"Fuck you." Daryl was tired of his brother's accusations. He wanted to rest, sleep off the pain.

"Didn't look for me, didn't look for her … ya got a plan or what? I thought ya wanted her all for yourself."

"Keep on joking…" Daryl felt again the hands of unconsciousness reaching for him.

"You're a joke is what ya are …" Daryl drifted off again, he just couldn't stay conscious. All he heard was some of Merle's nasty words. "Playing arrow boy for this bunch of pansy asses and democrats … you're nothin' but a freak to them. Redneck trash … Is all ya are. Heard them laughin' at ya behind your back. You know that don't cha?" Daryl did his best to not try to listen to hallucination-Merle, but he kept on bitching. "But I got news for ya son. One of these days they gonna scrape you off their heels like ya was dog shit." Daryl closed his eyes again, soaking in the words like they had a meaning to him. "Hey. They ain't your kin … your blood." Daryl thought about it for a while. He felt Merle grabbing him hard. "Hell if ya have any damn nuts … you go back there and shoot your pal Rick in the face for me."

Merle touched his face. "Now you listen to me. Ain't nobody ever care about you accept me lil' brother." Daryl couldn't believe his brother was touching his face and speaking to him. "Ain't nobody ever will. Not even that bad ass. Smiling at ya like she knows shit." Daryl closed his eyes again. "C'mon get up on your feet or did I have to kick your teeth in." Merle kicked him and tried to wake him up. "Let's go!"

When Daryl opened his eyes, not Merle but a walker was at his side, nibbling on his shoe. His eyes went wide and he hastily kicked the walker in its face. He stood up and fought back the zombie and smashed his head with a big branch. But there was no time to rest. Another walker was already coming after him. Daryl saw his crossbow, but the only arrow left was the one in his side. With a quick move he pulled the arrow out of his torso, ignoring the pain, and loaded his crossbow while lying on the ground. Just before the walker descended on him he shot it.

He examined the area, no walkers. He bound his wound and took his knife out. He walked over to the dead walker and started to cut off the walker's ears. _What cha doing?_ Daryl immediately stood up and looked around. "Merle?" But there was no one to be seen. He looked around again. _Don't listen to your damn brother. He's no good._ The voice seemed to be in his head, it was the one of a girl. Of that girl! "Ella?" He sat back, holding his head. Pressing his thumbs in his eyes, like he could rub out the voice. He wished more to have seen her hallucination than the one of Merle.

_You are good Daryl! I know you have the guts to stand up and keep on fighting._ Daryl sniffed. Had he been eating magic mushrooms at camp or drank some of the dirty water of the river he had lain in? But he had to admit, the soft voice of Ella was a welcome relief to Merle's insulting. He smiled. _If there is any way to get up there I know you are the one to make it. _"It's all hallucinated. Nothin' is real." He looked at his boots and took one of the bootlaces to string the walker's ears. He stood up and tied the ear-necklace around his neck. "No comment on that you guys?"

With a sneer he made his way to the foot of the ridge. _Don't do that to yourself Dar'._ He flinched at her sudden voice. He always hated when people shortened his name, but Ella was the only one he didn't tell to shut up about it. His father had called him that name too many times and they were no happy moments to remember.

_They are your friends, I am your friend._ "You are gone." He looked up to the top, looking for a good way to climb up. _I followed you, but you were all gone._

"Your fault. I said stay at the camp." He hoped Ella's voice would shut up now. He had felt guilty at first but now that his brother worked him up he was mad and angry. "You hear me, your own damn fault!" _Alright, if it makes you feel any better. But I kept on looking for you all the time._

"Shut up."

_Maybe that's the difference between us. I keep on looking for the people I care about. You don't look for Merle no more, didn't look for me at all._ Daryl couldn't believe he was talking to two hallucinations at one day. He could take Merle's words, he lived with him many years. He heard his bashing and insults all the time without listening. But Ella's sweet voice was not that easy to not listen to. "Why do you care, why haunt me?"

He turned around hoping to see the bright green eyes and the brown tousled hair. But the scenery hadn't changed. No Merle, no Ella. Her voice started to drive him crazy. At the very moment he could see her right in front of him with her short torn blue jeans, her yellow dirty shirt … her smiling lips and eyes. What about this girl that he felt inner warmth when he saw her? "Get your pretty ass here and tell me yourself!" He screamed at the trees around him.

_I care about you Daryl, way too much. I want you to know that you're a better person than him. These people are your friends, new family. Stop letting the past take you down._ Daryl sighed. "You keep talkin' shit." He couldn't believe she could care about him. No one ever did.

_I do and won't stop._ That could not be true. Ella was gone. It was all phantasm. He would never know what she had felt or could have felt. Is that why he heard her voice? Because he wanted to know what her intentions were when they had sat together at the camp so many times? Because he wanted to know why she had spend time with him, while the others had avoided him? _Just don't give up! _

Daryl shook his head, shook away hallucinated voices, and started to climb up the ridge. He wanted to leave all the hallucinations and voices behind at the riverbank. But when he made his way up, he heard Merles laugh. He looked up and again the hallucination of Merle appeared. "Whats the matter Darylina? Is that all you got in ya? How about balance and climb!"

Daryl felt pain all over his body when he pushed himself to climb up. Ella's voice was gone, now Merle appeared again. He rolled his eyes in pain and frustration. He was hallucinating without being drunk or high. "I liked it better when ya were missin'."

Merle laughed. "Now come on, nobody likes that. I'm on your side."

Daryl grabbed a branch to pull himself up. "Yeah? Since when?"

Merle just looked at him smiling. "Hell, since the day you were born baby brother. Somebody gotta look after your worthless ass."

"Ya never took care of me. You talk big game, but ya was never there. You ain't here now. Some things never change." Daryl tried to push forward, but his wounded side made it hard.

Merle spat back at him. "I'll tell ya what. I am as real as your chupacabra."

"I know what I saw." Talking and climbing at the same time with an injured side and an annoying brother in his ear was not that easy.

"Yeah and I am sure the mushrooms you took had nothin' to do with it right?!"

Daryl was beginning to lose his temper. "You best shut the hell up."

Merle bawled. "Or what? You gonna come up here and shut my mouth for me? Well, come up and do it then. If you think you are man enough." He laughed an evil laugh. "Take off them damn high heels and climb son." He laughed again while Daryl was still fighting to get up the hillside without passing out from pain. "Got no balls to climb up, got no guts to just take the brunette. Did I raise fuckin' trash of a redneck, all whiny and wimpy?"

"Fuck yourself. Leave her out of this shit." Daryl was already half way up. Almost there.

"Ah … that was her name. I merely remember her ass and busty front." Daryl screamed in pain as he pushed himself up. "You know what …. If I were you I would take a pause brother, cause I just don't think you're not gonna make it to the top." Daryl was almost at the top. Merle squatted down. "Come on. C'mon lil brother!" With a laughing voice he held out his hand. "Come on and grab your friend Rick's hand!"

In the moment Daryl reached the top with his right hand, there was no hand and no Merle no more. With all the strength that was left in him he pushed himself up, breathing hard. As he stood up, with his hand on his weapon he looked around. "Yeah, you better run!"

On his way back to the farm there was no Merle and the voice of Ella was gone. All this shit talking about her caring about him was nonsense. Merle was right. No one went looking for him and he was the only one looking for Sophia. It was all true, he was white trash, a pain in everyone's ass. No one would ever care about him.

But he remembered Ella's voice telling him with an intense strength in her tone that she did care about him. All bloody and muddy he stumbled in the direction of the farm.

**How you like it? In the next chapter is a hell lot of happening ... will update tomorrow or day after!  
See ya soon ... xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey people from around the world! Next chapter, wohoo! This chapter is a little bit more rough, some cursing here and there ... story maybe gettin' a littl violent ... but it'll stay Walking-Dead-like! Kill a walker, shoot it down ... ;o)**

**Read and review ;o)**

We had been driving a long time and I watched the scenery pass by. I thought about my 'campsite-group', as my new group called them. I wondered why my thoughts always turned to Daryl. At first I always thought about Amy, how we became friends and joked around. It was the first time I felt I belonged to the group. I felt accepted. Everyone had family in there or at least a friend. Amy and Andrea, Lori and Shane, Daryl and Merle … again Daryl was in my head. I closed my eyes. _You know why you think about him … There is more to it than meets the eye._ Shut up, I told the voice. But that didn't keep me from having a flashback of Daryl.

* * *

I watched Daryl and Merle going into the woods, fully armed. I thought they were going on a run or hunting, so I followed. I was eager to learn how to hunt. Both brothers were loners and social like a rock. They could live on their own, make it on their own. I always wondered why they stayed with the group. Being social wasn't their thing at all, which made me even more wonder about them staying. If they would leave there was no one who would go out to hunt a deer or squirrels. I wondered how Daryl could shot these little fast animals.

But that was not the only reason I followed. Merle would never teach me anything but a lesson in how to be aggressive and abusive. But Daryl was different. He wasn't as mean as Merle. Daryl didn't talk a lot, but when he did it wasn't insulting, well … not always. He tried to push me away in the beginning, but at some point he stopped. He must have realized that I didn't care and he was wasting his breath. Now we could even sit together, mostly not talking, but it was fine. I enjoyed being around him, it felt safe. I smiled to myself.

If they would leave some day, I wanted to be safe. I wanted to know how to defend myself. No one wanted to teach me how to shoot or how to kill a walker in a precarious situation. So I took the knife Daryl gave to me and tiptoed after them. I followed their direction, but as soon as I was in the woods there was no sign of the men. I walked deeper into the forest trying to hear footsteps or talking, but there was nothing. I was walking a long time, already thinking about heading back, but while I made another step, someone jumped at me. I fell back and it felt like my spine cracked. "Ah!" I immediately grabbed my knife to kill the walker who was sitting on me, but it slapped away my weapon and pinned my right arm to the ground. "Don't ya wanna poke me with that!"

I realized there was no walker sitting on top of me, but Merle with a lustful glance. "Get off me!"

He just laughed. "Don't cha get all whiney, bad ass." I tried to kick him but failed miserable. "I like it when they fight back." With my free left arm I punched him in the stomach but the effect was rather cowardly. I realized there was no chance to fight him off. "What a gentleman."

He starred me down. "C'mon, some fun with Merle will do ya good."

"Nah, don't think so. You know, I like it hot, but you are more that guy who can't bring it." I smiled to myself to get him confused, but I turned him on instead. "You busty bitch, I'll give ya …"

Suddenly Daryl appeared behind Merle and hit Merles' head with a limb. Merle fell unconscious to the side. I instantly pushed the rest of Merle off me and stood up. "Ya okay?!" He looked at his brother. Did he mean me or Merle? I didn't answer but went looking for my knife. I found it and kneeled down. My back hurt as I grabbed the knife. "Ah damn …" That damn Merle … I stood up with a pain in my spine again and turned around just to look directly in Daryl's eyes. He was close.

When he began to speak I felt his breath on my face. "I asked if ya okay!" His voice was harsh. I nodded a bit confused that I didn't hear him coming after me. He turned and walked away. I thought he would go and look for his brother, but he went on. I walked after him but stopped at Merle's side. "What about your brother?"

He stopped. "What about him?"

What about him? You will leave him lying here to be walker food? My thoughts debated on and on but I just silently looked at Daryl. We were standing some steps away from each other, just glaring in each other's direction. I didn't know how to answer his question, so I took the opportunity to ask him to teach me how to throw a knife. "Will you teach me how to kill a zombie?" He didn't move and the glaring became more like a look that could kill. "I mean with a knife and not with that if-looks-could-kill-stare."

He smirked. "Go ask Shane."

I slowly made my way towards him with a cocky smile on my lips as well. "You are not quite a listener, are you? I told you he does not want the women to …"

He interrupted my sentence. "Ya're more like a careless kid without responsibilities than a woman."

"Thanks!" A muffled sound made us look to the side. A walker was approaching us. I looked at him, but he sneered at me. "Your chance!"

I didn't want him to think I was weak and all girly like he just said. I wanted to proof him wrong. I took the knife in my right hand and wanted to go for the walker, when Daryl behind me let out a sigh. "Ya should hold the knife more like a weapon and not like ya goin' to chop tomatoes."

I turned around just to wink at him. "I am going to make you eat that dead body when I finish that geek." I quickly turned around to the dead body coming at me. He was slow at first but at the sight of fresh food he began to increase his speed. His arms outstretched in my direction. With my left arm I pushed away his arms, so he spun to the sight. I wanted to go for his head.

I once heard the guys talking about finishing off a walker. Only a shot in the head can kill them. So I jumped at the chance to stab his head. But I missed his head as the walker tried to balance itself. I only stabbed his shoulder. There was no blood, instead a piece of festered flesh was spiked on my knife. I tried again to go for the head, but the arms of the walker were suddenly reaching for me. I thought about self-defense class and kicked it in the crotch. The walker was unimpressed and grabbed my shirt. I screamed and was afraid he would scratch me and made me turn … By that I began to panic. I had to finish this geek as soon as possible. _Go for the head! _

Was Daryl watching me all the time? Not helping or anything like that? I had no chance to look in his direction. So I breathed in. I can do that. I can do that. I. Can. Do. That.

I put my knife in my belt behind my back and grabbed the arms of the walker, which were both holding my shirt. With all my strength I pushed him back, away from me. When I was pushing him backwards, he stumbled and I could push him down on his back. I immediately sat with my knees on his torso, sinking into his rotten body. While I was sitting on him, kind of like Merle sat on my before, I took out my knife again to stab it through his right eye. To be sure the zombie was really dead, I did it again. When I was sure the walker wasn't moving or croaking anymore, I stood up and looked at Daryl with a triumphant smile.

"Now ya wanna make me eat it?" I laughed at him loudly. I was happy that I just killed a walker by myself. I was high on adrenalin. I felt like a crazy psychopath who was happy to kill his ex-wife. Was I going crazy? I smiled all thoughts away. "I did it!"

"Yeah. But kicking a walker in the crotch has no effect at all." I blushed a bit, but didn't care. "There is nothing I can't learn. Even from Merle." I was referring to me sitting on the zombie.

"Better learn fast not to mess with Merle or a walker."

I walked over to Daryl. "Now you gonna show me how to shoot?" I looked at the crossbow on his back.

"First things first."

I smiled at him. "So there is going to be a next time? A real teaching class?"

"Ya should better watch ya back. Merle could easily attack ya and a walker could do too." We went back to Merle who was lying on his back snorting louder than my grandfather. Daryl sat down a few meters away from his brother, but never letting Merle out of his sight. I sat down across from him, observing Daryl how he watched his brother. It was a look of being attentive and dismissive.

"How come ya didn't flinch the other day?"

"Hmm?" With a query in my eyes I watched him still staring at his brother. Thinking about what he could mean, my eyes beholding him, I felt a warmth in my belly I hadn't felt in a long time. Was I crazy to feel like that in a situation like that … in a world like that. Maybe I was going crazy … I still looked at him to illuminate me, but he said nothing. Then it dawned on me. "You mean when you threw a knife at me?"

"Smart girl." Now his eyes were no longer on Merle but focused on me.

"I am not afraid of you and I am not afraid of death." As soon as I said these words I thought about my dead family.

He chewed on his inner cheek. "Are ya insane or what?"

"No, I am just realistic." He didn't counter with a sarcastic comment. I took a little branch and began to play with the leaves in front of me. "My family died and I think there is no one of my relatives left in this hell of a walking dead world. I have nobody left." I soaked in what I had said, realizing I really was alone in this world. "Feels like this life is like Carpe Diem. Living every day like it is the last." I believed my words made him feel awkward. He is not the emotional kind of guy nor did it ever show emotions besides being mad. And this was the first time I showed my serious and grownup side. A side I hid under a pile of childishness, happy nature and a libertine.

"Always be rough n' read!" Was all Daryl said.

"Ya talkin' shit bro." I looked back at Merle who was conscious again.

I smiled at him and tried to look as tough as I could. "Sleeping beauty is awake!"

Daryl just sat there playing with an arrow. Merle rolled over and looked at Daryl who still focused on the arrow in his hands, but with one eye he glared at Merle.

Merle touched his head. "Did ya deadbeat hit me?"

* * *

I was about to fall asleep as Alex turned to me. "You think they are working on a cure at the CDC?" "I hope so. This sudden demon era is more like a bad horror movie. I feel like trapped in a video game. Shooting zombies, knifing walking dead bodies."

She laughed. "Yeah and you really know how to shoot. You gonna survive this game."

Mark wasn't our opinion. "This is not a fucking game. This is life now. You two should better realize that this is how the world is now. Not a game but a damn apocalypse." We went silent. Mark's voice had been harsh. Maybe he lost someone he love, maybe family. Everybody lost someone these days.

"You would suit a Tomb Raider game. With your brown hair you look like Lara Croft." John eyed me in the drivers mirror and Alex laughed hard.

"Yeah, you just need your hair done in a French braid." I rolled my eyes. Alex began to laugh. "I can see it right in front of me …" I had to admit that I loved the game Tomb Raider and joint her laughter. "I always played it on my brother's playstation."

Alex stopped laughing. "Really?" I nodded. "Yeah. We sat together and played for hours."

Suddenly a shot was fired. John tried to put on the brake, but our car slid down the road. While standing on the break he screamed. "FUCK!" As we dashed around and eventually came to a halt, John immediately took a shotgun. "Someone shot at us."

Mark took his gun too and locked out of the window. "Why don't you drive on?" He was nervous.

"Tire broken." That was Johns answer to our misery.

I looked over to Alex who was bleeding. She must have banged her head against the window. "You okay?" She nodded but I could tell from her eyes she wasn't. I took my gun too and as I looked out of the window I saw two guys with guns raised coming at us. "Right side, two guys, at least two guns." The others in the car followed my gaze. I wanted to open my window, but John stopped me. "Wait!" Why the hell did he stop me? I know how to shoot. I could easily shoot them quick. _Don't be so cocky! _

The two came closer and screamed: "No quick movements and no one will get hurt!" I was caught between fear, blank horror and acting fast. Feelings fought inside me, but I didn't let angst win. I needed to be rough-and-ready, like Daryl had once told me. I scanned the woods behind the strangers and couldn't see any other people. On the other side of the road was a green field where nobody could be hiding. So it just had to be these two. I looked back at the strangers. "John, I'll shoot at the right guy you get the other one. I don't think they shot our tire to chitchat."

My eyes never left the guys outside, but I could tell from the silence in the car that the others were not agreeing to the plan. Since John reminded me so much of Merle, he would love some shooting. Nick's voice was in my head, telling me to not risk the lives of my newly friends. So all I did now was protecting them. "You sure you can kill a man?" John asked me.

"Who said killing. I will take him down, shoot in his knee." They came closer.

John uttered a brief laugh. "Sure you aim that good?"

"We'll see. You ready?" Next to me I heard Alex loudly breathing in.

"Go." I promptly opened the door and shot the right guy in the arm which held the gun. I thought I aimed at his leg, but that was fine too. I shot again and he went down. I looked to the other guy who was on the ground too, screaming in pain. I wanted to jump out of the car but Alex held me back. "There could be others …"

I winked at her. "Back me up!" I jumped out the car and approached the men who were still lying on the ground with my gun pointed at them. I kicked away the gun of the guy I shot. John was at my side. As long as John was our leader he spoke first. "What do ya fuckin' assholes want?" They didn't answer but still whimpered in pain. John kneeled down beside the man he shot. "You gonna answer me or piss yourself again?" I looked at the man's pants. Now that I looked closer he must be young, maybe 18. John punched the young guy, but he didn't say a word. The guy's eyes were filled with tears. John asked him again. "What's ya fuckin' problem?" He punched him again hard and baby boy instantly passed out

The other guy sat up, holding his arm. "Our friends must have heard the shooting. You will be dead in a sec." He let out an evil laugh. My eyes widened. Mark exited the car and John screamed at him. "Change the damn tire. We have to hurry." I saw Alex helping Mark, while John and I held the wounded guys at bay.

The man I shot looked at me maliciously. "You look too pretty to kill a man."

"Not too pretty to shoot him again." I released the safety catch of my gun and his ugly smile was gone. I took his gun I kicked away before and put it in the back of my jeans.

"Walker!" Before I could react to Johns scream, John shot a walker to my right. I froze. I hadn't heard the creature approaching us and the loud bang of the shot paralyzed me. My ears were ringing. "Ella, watch out!" John's warning came too late. Again. The injured man suddenly jumped at me. I felt to the ground, my back meeting the hardness of the street. The man was on top of me fighting to get my gun. I fought him back, but he was too heavy. I couldn't simply shove him away … My left arm was still too weak to be a help here. So instead of using my arms, I used my good leg to kick this bastard in the groin. He screamed loud and fell to the side. John was next to me to kick the guy in the stomach again and again until he wasn't moving anymore. I stood up quickly to see the other guy still unconscious on the ground. Had he killed him?

John forced me to get to the car. "Go, go!" Alex and Mark just finished the tire change and jumped in the car as well. We drove away as fast as the car could move.

"Everyone alright?" I nodded at Mark.

I checked Alex. "How is your head feeling?" She touched her forehead and a little bit of blood was on her fingers. "Just a scratch." At first I thought she would be in shock and mad at me for attacking the strangers, but she was stronger. "No need to worry. What about you?"

I smiled at her. Even we just had a confrontation and could have been killed, she was acting cool. "Still in one piece." I answered her.

John slowed down a bit. "Apocalypse made a strong survivor out of Barbie."

Mark huffed. "That could have gone bad. We should be more careful."

John began to argue in an annoyed voice. "We were just driving. We didn't do anything, they attacked us first."

"I meant the shooting."

"That was bad ass' idea." John countered

I didn't want to get into this fight. Mark seemed very much pissed. "Won't happen again!"

Alex let out a laugh. "I wouldn't count on that. John is right. The world changed. It's us against the dead."

John agreed. "I am always right. Listen Alex, the dead are not the only ones to worry about." I knew he was referring to the guys we just met.

Mark kind of agreed too, but he was the soft kind of guy. "But we should not kill human beings. We are no murderer."

John shot back. "I didn't kill them, just taught them a lesson." I was relieved he wasn't all Merle, who wouldn't have saved a life of a man who pointed a gun at him.

**Thanks for reading!  
xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey you guys, new chapter ;o) Wohoo! As always: Have fun reading and review if you want ^^  
This is a kinda like a fill in chapter, to get to know Ella a little better!**

The sun began to set and we stopped the car in the woods to set up camp. I couldn't believe my eyes when John set up the tent on the SUV. There was a small platform on the top of the car, which I hadn't seen when we first rode the car. It was brilliant. A higher place to sleep … better than on the ground. The whole time I wondered why there was a small ladder on the back of the car, now I knew. "Will you just stand there and watch my ass work? I thought you were one of these emancipative women screaming: I can have a penis too."

I laughed. "You really are like Merle." With a confused look he turned around. "Who's Merle?"

I laughed again. "Never mind." Even he had his sarcastic comments and his kinda raspy voice, he was definitely a nicer and particularly a caring man then Merle.

Alex came out of the woods. "This place seems safe for now. I set up some traps."

John nodded. "Good. Tent is ready too." We stood at the front of the car and soon Mark joined us too. "The woods on my side are safe. Saw nothing but one walker." John looked at him with a look on his face that he wanted an answer to an unspoken question. I didn't really get what he wanted but my irritated look was answered by Mark. "I killed it."

John nodded again. "Okay!" I looked at them. They seemed to know each other really good. Even can tell by the looks of the other what the other thinks or wants. A precious gift these days.

Alex began to hand out sandwiches. And John, who really turned out to be the leader of our little gang, began to talk about night shifts. "Let's split in two groups. The girls and the boys?" No one commented, so everyone seemed fine with his decision. "One group sleeps now, the others keep watch." We all nodded. "You have to have your guns ready at all time! Be sure the safety catch is released before you shoot. Better use your knife, it is quieter. Safe the last bullet for yourself." I looked at him in disbelief. He was talking just to me and Alex. "What?"

"I mean what I say. Don't get bitten!" With that John hopped on the SUV and disappeared in the tent. Mark followed him. "Stay safe girls!"

Alex nodded and took her gun. "Let's go. John was driving all the time, he needs to rest." She was right. And after our little incident I couldn't really sleep. At the thought of the dicey incident my heart began to beat faster. It all felt like a movie, walking hungry zombies, people getting all grabby … How come people in apocalyptical movies are never really helping and caring and always after the goods and chattels of other people? I remembered the movie The Book of Eli … I felt a little like Mila Kunis, but it wasn't the same at all. I sniffed. Maybe there will be a knight in a shining armor too? _Yeah right, on a white horse. Let you feel all Cinderella. Get your head back onto earth and clear your mind._ The voice in my head was right. No knight, no shiny armor, no prince. This was just what the world was now … dangerous. But deep down in my heart I knew I would always believe there would be someone coming and rescue me …

Being first to keep watch Alex and I made a round. We just wanted to check the surroundings and the traps and then back to the SUV. I had a firm grip on my gun, ready to defend myself, ready to shoot. My eyes seemed to notice every movement that was around me and my ears were listening to every cracking sound and rustling. Even it was quiet I thought I could hear the wind in the trees and the animals in the woods.

Now that we walked side by side in silence, I thought about the men who attacked us from the highway. What if there were men like that here in the woods? What if they saw us first or were already watching us? As I felt working myself up, I breathed in deeply. I needed to keep a clear head. Before I began to over-think the situation Alex interrupted my unsettling thoughts. "You know, there is one thing I wanted to ask you all the time." Alex didn't look at me while she spoke. Her eyes scanned the area.

"Shoot!" I said.

She still didn't look at me. "Why are you so eager to find your group?" I thought about her question. "I mean, why do you go on? You said that they think you are dead and they could be anywhere. Do they mean so much to you that you go out with us and risk your life, instead of staying in a safe place?"

I let out a sigh. "I care about them a lot … They helped me when I was alone and afraid. It may have been just a few weeks, maybe month, time seems so irrelevant these days … But the time we had was precious. We grew kind of close, like a small family with a few rotten apples." I paused with a smile, thinking about Merle and Ed. "It is not only that I want to see Amy again or joke around with Glenn, but to let them know I am alive. If they believe I am dead, maybe someone feels guilty and that would be my fault. You know … I feel guilty." She stopped.

I thought she was going to say something, but she just stared into the woods. I followed her gaze and saw three walkers ahead of us. She took out her knife. "Don't shoot, that will only attract others and wake up the guys." I nodded and took out Daryl's hunting knife.

Alex silently walked to the right to attack the walkers from behind. I slowly turned left to attract them. They were slow, maybe they already had a big meal and were not eager to eat again. I sniffed at my own thoughts. These things are always hungry, always wanting to eat the living. I learned that very fast. One dead body was very slow, his ankle was broken and on the other side wasn't even a foot anymore. It must have been a man. Although this thing was already rotten, you could still see a beard around his chin. I saw Alex behind the three gnarling geeks and made my move. I jumped forward and pushed my knife through the eye of one of the limping geeks. It felt like carving into a ripe mango. It was smooth and easy, which was good.

Alex pushed her knife in the back of the head of the tall walker, who went dead to the ground. But her knife was stuck in his head. The walker left tried to grab Alex. I kicked it away from her. It stumbled but didn't fall down. With great effort she pulled out her knife and tried to stab the last walker standing. But it trip over a root and Alex just managed to cut open his throat. That made the geek's gargling even more disgusting. With his open throat, the head fell back and dangled on his back. Alex cut off the head and it fell to the ground. She instantly smashed the head with her right foot and the bloody gurgling finally stopped.

"Nice. But look at your boots." Blood and brain was on her right cowboy boot. She just gave a shrug. "This is a new world and a brand new me too." I couldn't help but smile at that comment. First time I had seen her, she was all model chick, now she was more kick-ass Barbie. "You are right." I looked at her, her long blonde hair in a ponytail, her clothes all creased and her shoes bloody. She stood there with her hand in her hip and a pussycat smile on her face.

"But you could wash that t-shirt nonetheless." She told me and I looked down on myself, still wearing the white shirt with the rainbow she gave to me.

"Hey … I love this one!" I said joking. "Next time you see a washer I'll do laundry." We laughed together silently.

After we went back to the SUV, I could hear one of the men snoring. I opened the back door and took out two water bottles from the back seat. I handed one of them to Alex. "You are right," I started, "the world has changed. It has gone to shit if you would ask me. It feels like I was dragged out of the islands of Neverland. I never wanted to grow up." I chuckled. "I made my hobby a profession. I was living in the moment and never cared about what people say. I smiled fears and threats away. It is just easier not to care about everything."

Alex eyeballed me. "So you are a mixture of Lara Croft and Peter Pan. Hah … you are Lara Pan." I simply looked at her. "What was your hobby, I mean profession."

I blushed a little. "I was a dancer."

She directly reacted to that. "Striptease dancer?"

I blushed more. "No!" I punched her softly. "I always loved music and dancing. And to finance my studies, I taught dancing, like hip hop dance, zumba and so on at a gym."

Alex smile grew bigger. "Wow, you must have been good. That's where you got your nice ass and smooth motions …" Could I blush more than now? I was as red as a tomato.

"Dancers are the best in bed!" I turned around to see John looking out of the tent. I almost choke on my water. "Excuse me?"

John laughed. "Your ass …"

* * *

I was lying on my back, my eyes on the ceiling of the tent. I thought about what Alex had asked me, why I still went on. Now I replayed it in my mind … I think it is my nature to never give up. All the people I had met since the beginning of the new demon era were nice to me. The campsite group, now Alex' group … I was one lucky girl. In the corner of my eye I saw Alex moving.

"You're not sleeping."

Was it a question or a conclusion? I rolled to my side and saw Alex looking straight at me. "Too many thoughts in my head …"

"What about?" Her voice was tired and her eyes were crying for sleep.

"We can talk tomorrow, you need to rest." I wanted her to sleep and regain some strength.

She stifled a yawn. "Don't be a smart ass. Tell me!"

I rolled my eyes. "I just thought I am lucky to have found a group of good people twice. The first one with Glen, Amy, and Daryl was nice and caring. We managed to survive together, protected each other. Now I am with you guys doing the same. We are looking out for each other. I have met bad people before, but always had my people watching my back. I felt safe even in danger." Her eyes were closed now and I couldn't tell if she was asleep. I rolled on my back and shut my eyes too. I needed the rest as bad as her.

"We need to stay positive. Even the world had changed and all this crab happens, we need to be normal, stay human. We may not be able to ever have the life we once lived, but just because dead bodies are walking now does not mean we have to change our nature. I still want to go to a party, I want to dance with a boy and would love to hear music again. I am not giving up my dreams because of this living hell. I know there are bad people out there besides the walkers, I am not stupid or naïve. But I want to stay true to myself."

I listened to her with closed eyes, absorbing the meaning of every single word she said. She was right, I didn't want to change myself either. _Why should you change at all? I love you the way you are and that will never change. You just need to be strong to walk this living hell._ My eyes fluttered open. Right, I will walk this demon era with a smile in my face and a knife in my hand.

* * *

**Hershel's farm**

The group was shattered. After Shane had opened the barn und walker-Sofia came out of it, everyone was down. After Rick had shot that little girl in the head, nothing seemed to be the same again.

Daryl moved his tent away from the group. He wanted to be alone. There were no words to describe how he felt and he didn't even know himself. He just knew one thing, he was angry. He was angry, at Carol for not looking after her daughter, at Merle for not waiting on the roof top, and at Ella for sneaking out. But he didn't know why. It seemed to be his nature to be mad and angry. It was like dealing with Merle in his head, like that day when he went looking for Sophia and got injured. He saw Merle, a hallucination. Now the hallucination was not visible but audible in his head.

_Why the hell do ya care about that lil' girl?_

Daryl tried to shut him out, but how to handle a hallucination?

_Is it because of that bad ass?_

Now the hallucination got his attention. "Ella?!"

_So ya do care._

"Shut up!" Daryl leant against a tree, eyeing the farm.

_Ya think you could've saved her?_

"I found the cabin where she must have rested. If I would have looked around …"

_Daft bastard. Hell ya care about that lesbian's daughter. Ya thinkin' about that hottie._

Daryl's thoughts drifted off to Ella again. He could have saved her, anyone could have saved her. No one was paying attention to her, while she always had paid attention to the others. If he knew how much she wanted to go to the city, he would have chained her in the RV.

_That's my Darylina. Chain her and then take her … _

Daryl immediately pushed off from the tree and away from the hallucinated words. He just hoped Ella had found shelter or something like that. If not … he had taught her how to deal with walkers, she knew what to do.

Suddenly her smile and green eyes popped into his mind and he knew why he couldn't offload the feelings about her … because she was the only person in years who cared about him.

_I care about yar sweet ass too baby brother._

Daryl wondered if he had hit his head too hard or if the meds Hershel gave him were that damn strong, that he still heard Merle in his head. And again he remembered Ella's voice in his head telling him how much she cared about him. He shook his head. The damn thinking would kill him one day. He watched the row of trees. "This is real. Not some damn hallucinations putting words in my head." He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. Talking to the trees was as bad as talking to hallucinations. He took out his knife and some branches to make arrows out of them. He was good at this, good at hunting. He would concentrate on that now and shut out all the other stuff, shut out hallucinations and thinking.

**End for now. Sorry for the lame chapter the next one will make it up! Some more action and interesting turnings ...  
xxx see ya**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone! So next chapter, a little action is coming up! Cant wait to watch season 4 in a few days. already couting down ;o) **  
**So far you can read on. As always: Have fun reading and review if you like! 3500 words in this chapter ... WOW enjoy! **

John was sitting on top of the SUV, just like Dale always used to sit on his RV. Mike was sitting in the car, door open, and checking his gun. Alex and I were sitting on the front lid. I watched her cleaning her knife deep in thoughts. There was still some blood left when she had cut open the rabbit John had shot. "A penny for your thought!" I asked her.

She stopped cleaning. "I am afraid of myself." She sighted. "When we shot at the strangers from before … I flinched, but I didn't care if they were dead or not. I am afraid I grew emotional cold and don't even care about to be a murderer or not."

I touched her shoulder comfortingly. "You do. You think about it and you think about what we did. It wasn't you who almost killed these men. Plus, they were not really nice, so it's okay to do a little damage." I winked at her. "Like you said, nothing is gonna change the way we are. Maybe when we return to the hotel we can listen to some music and dance a bit." I smiled an encouraging smile.

Alex returned my smile with a sad grin. "A little time-out would be nice." She eyed my knife and handed me small stone. "Whet your knife! You'll sure need it to be sharp."

I looked at my knife and began grinding the hunting knife I once got from Daryl.

"You are too soft. It's a knife, it is not made out of china." She laughed at me. "Since when are you so gentle?"

"Hey." I said playfully. "It was a gift." The moment the words had left my mouth I regretted saying them.

"From whom?" I knew that question was gonna be asked.

I rolled my eyes. I knew her she wouldn't stop asking me about it. "Is it from one of your campsite-gang?"

I took a deep breath. "Yeah …" I stopped but her eyes told me to go on or she would start to bitch about it. "It's from Daryl."

"That guy!" She laughed out loud. "Isn't he the one you followed to Atlanta?" I simply nodded because I didn't want to argue. "He's the reason … That's why you want to return to your group?!" She liked to speak in a voice I couldn't tell if it was a question or a statement.

"He told me how to handle these walking dead geeks. Even told me how to shoot. He gave it to me so I could defend myself if needed." I played with the knife in my hands and wished I could see Daryl again to thank him. The time I had been on my own, not with my group, I had this knife and had known how defend myself. Had known how to kill the fucking zombies. Did I ever thank him for the teaching lessons I enjoyed so much? _So you enjoyed your little hanky-panky?! _I blushed a bit.

"That sounds like a good friend. He must be close to your heart." I thought about her words. _She got you. Seems like she knows before you even realize … _

"He is a good man." I didn't want to hear anyone talk about him. Maybe I would never see him again, never see anybody again …

Alex smiled. "The first time you corrected me about his name I saw it in your eyes." I gave her a questioning look. "You had this brightness in your eyes, the one when a girl talks about her first date, her first kiss. There was something behind this guy's name and now I know."

"What do ya know?" I asked her in a Daryl-like-voice. But she just smiled at me.

"Never mind Ella. Nice to see there is still love in this world."

My eyes went wide. "I am sorry … what?"

"Like I said. Never mind!" I really wasn't in the mood to argue and tried to avoid any conversation concerning Daryl and love in one sentence. So I stood up and looked around in search for a place to pee. "I'll go and check the surroundings!" Alex nodded with a knowing glance and I walked away.

I went a few meters, indeed checking the surroundings and now I really needed to pee. "What does she know about Daryl?!" _Why are you mad? It's so obvious._

"Shut up." I wanted to run, but that wouldn't stop the voice talking in my head. I walked faster. _Look at it this way: It is an impulse to look for them even harder. _

I caught a glimpse of some bushes. They looked like a little sea of green in the brown rows of trees. I went into this thistly bush sea and sat down. In the moment I was unbuttoning my pants I heard some rustling. Was someone going through the bushes as well? I remained in a sitting position, waiting. I touched my knife at my leg. "Hey you." Suddenly an unfamiliar voice whispered and a smiling face appeared next to me. I immediately stood up to be faced with a kid. "What are you doing here all alone?" I grabbed my knife.

I silently looked at him in disbelief. He didn't look like a bad man, but you could never know. I was ready to defend myself, ready if he would attack me.

"Who are you? Are you alone?" He asked looking all puppy, like a kid who wants to have spending money from his parents. "I am Randall." He held out his hand and I saw a pistol on the side of his belt. I grabbed my knife tighter.

"You alone?" I asked and tried to remain severe but my voice was a little shaky.

He shook his head. "You have to be careful Miss." He swallowed loudly. "The guys I'm with are pretty bad. You do not wanna know what they gonna do to you when they see you. You're quiet pretty Miss." His smile disappeared and he suddenly looked afraid. I pointed the top of my knife at him. He was just inches away to be at least poked if not scratched.

My eyes widened in horror. "What?" I looked around hectically. Did he wanted to say that they will kill me? Were they friends of the guys we had shot? "Don't worry, I am not like them." I hated me for forgetting my gun at the SUV, but my knife could do some damage too. But what could a knife do against an armed guy?

My eyes wandered to his pistol again. "Yeah, sure." I told him. He saw my glance and held his hands up in surrender. "I mean it. You have a camp or a save place?" I didn't answer, didn't trust him. "You should go back. I'll tell them to go that way." He pointed into the other direction of our camp. I still didn't trust him at all. "Please, I can't take it again … watching them rape another woman."

My heart began to beat fast now. "They what …" Randall suddenly pushed me into the bushes. I fell to the ground and my hair got all twisted in the small branches and thorns. I wanted to protest but didn't. Randalls face was all stone. I heard voices and someone screamed. "Hey lil one you found someone … something?"

"No …" Randall looked kind of afraid, but his voice was hard. Before he looked like a kid, but now he behaved like a juvenile delinquent. He put his hands in the pocket of his dirty trousers. He took some of the berries next to me looking at with hard eyes. It was as if his eyes told me to stay in place.

I could hear muffled voices. They were not that close, but too close. I grabbed my knife even tighter and looked into the direction where the voice had come from, but I couldn't see someone nor tell how many men they were. Randall was slowly moving out of the sea of bushes and into the direction he showed me before. "Come this way. Saw some skid marks over there."

Were they looking for us? I had to tell the others. We had to leave, had to move … Footsteps. Through the bush I saw two pair of heavy dirty boots passing by. Randall really enticed them away from me. So he was a good kid … So far he hadn't even tried to unarm me.

"There must be a little town over there. Saw it on the map before." The new voice sent a shiver down my spine. It sounded so cold and harsh.

I waited until I thought the coast was clear. I carefully and slowly came out of the bushes. I looked in the direction Randall had pointed to and luckily saw nobody. I turned to run back to my group.

I was running like crazy back to the SUV. Alex was sitting on top of the car scanning the area with binoculars. The tent was not set up yet. Good, so we could move fast. When she heard me approaching she stood up. "Ella, what happened?" Her voice told me bafflement, she must have seen my scared face.

"Men …" I was out of puff. "Men with guns." I just saw Randall having a gun, but that was not important at the moment. It was important to move!

John was immediately at my side. "They saw you?"

I shook my head. "They went in the other direction. But we have to keep moving."

"Why? How you know they are bad people?" I could tell from Alex' eyes she connected these guys with our little friends on the street as well as me.

"Randall told me."

"Who the fuck is Randall?" John grabbed my shoulder.

Of course they didn't know him. I couldn't believe I was still explaining when we should be already driving away. "One of them …. He helped me to hide. Please, let us go!" I looked around. "Where is Mark?"

"Taking a shit!" John's eyes fixed me.

"Where?" Was all I said to his fuckin' answer.

Now Alex grabbed both of my arms. "Ella. Do not panic." Alex didn't understand, she didn't know what Randall had told me, and she didn't hear that voice.

"We have to go!" I tried to shove her into the back of the car and looked at John. "Please, trust me. We should better keep going!" John nodded and went around the car.

Suddenly a shot was fired. I glanced around to see a man hiding behind a tree. I jumped into the car next to Alex. "Go!" John drove off. Alex grabbed my arm. "What about Mark?"

I didn't say a word, I tried to think. Instead of driving back to the highway John drove around the trees. "Man, where have ya been going to take a shit?" In that moment Mark jumped in front of our car, his pants still on his feet. We stopped and I opened the front passenger door from the back. "Move your damn ass into the car!" Another shot. It came from another direction. Mark jumped into the car and when he closed the door a bullet smashed the window and scratched the side of his neck. "Fuck. What's happening?"

I didn't answer but turned to John. "Step on it!" And he did. I fell back into my seat as we sped up. I looked back out of the rear window. A man stood between the trees, dressed all in black, his gun pointed at us. I threw myself over Alex, pushing us down, and a metallic sound was heard. The bullet must be stuck in the metallic body of the car. I slowly sat up. "Everything alright?" Alex nodded, her face as white as snow.

"What the hell is happening here? Would somebody please be so kind and enlighten me?" Mark was red and furious. I saw John looking at me in the driving mirror, his facial expression telling me the same question.

"I met a guy in the woods. Randall. He told me to run, cause his friends wouldn't be nice to me. He helped me to hide." I got everyone's attention but nobody was saying a word. Should I tell them about the not-nice-thing of Randall's friends? Didn't think that was necessary.

We arrived at the highway again and kept on driving. Mark was the first to speak. "We need to go back to the hotel."

"They could follow us. Maybe they are friends of our little interlocutors from before. And it will be dark soon. We should find shelter somewhere." John was smarter than Mark. Mark was too nervous, too sensitive. And John was the kind of leader you could trust your life with.

"Maybe we should sleep in the car and be ready to go if someone is coming after us." Alex tried her best not to panic. "We have to cover our tracks … Drive on the highway and then into the woods or something like that." Smart girl.

John nodded. "Okay. Let's keep looking for shelter. Don't want these bastards to meet my gun any time soon."

My heartbeat was so fast I swear everyone in the car could hear it. Blood rushed through my body. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. It was like an invisible weight was on me, pressing me into my seat.

"Ella?" I heard Alex next to me but couldn't turn my head. I was paralyzed. "Ella!" Even I recognized her screaming, her voice was like a whisper to me. Someone shook me. I thought it was Alex but everything went a blur.

**Some other day at the farm**

Daryl couldn't believe Rick and the others saved an attacking kid. Why did they bring him here? Why did they patch him up? Daryl shook his head. Too much thinking again … It was already done so they had to deal with it. And what about all the discussing of letting him stay or killing him? Was there really any point in arguing? Again, too much thinking was no good. He left the farm house and sat down on the steps of the porch. He scanned the trees, not trying to think. They had been discussing and debating about a kid's life and all that Daryl could think about was finishing him off.

When Rick and Shane had come back without eliminating the kid, Dale was the only being happy about it. Daryl wondered why they just didn't kill him. He was a threat to the group. A threat that had to be removed.

Daryl looked at his bloody knuckles. He had tried to get the kid to talk to him, to tell the truth. But still he wasn't saying the things Rick or he wanted to hear. He looked to the barn and stood up. Maybe tonight was the night to either get him to talk eventually or kill him. He walked over to the barn, thinking about how to best get information out of this kid. Punching and threatening hadn't been helpful so far. He took the hunting knife out of his belt. "Maybe that'll do."

From the corner of his eye he saw a movement and Daryl stopped. Dale approached him on his way and looked at the knife in Daryl's hands. "You want to kill Randall?" He emphasized the name of the kid to get Daryl to realize this kid was a person, a human being. But Daryl just snorted. Dale came closer. "Ella would have wanted the kid to live." Daryl started to walk towards the barn again, ignoring Dale talking about the one person Daryl never talked about. "She would have wanted a trial, just like Andrea suggested." Daryl was about to turn around and shout at the old man, but he didn't. That would only prove the man that Daryl eventually cared about Ella, so he walked on. "Daryl!" He walked on and looked back over his shoulder, Dale wasn't following him.

When he opened the barn, Randall was hanging from the roof. Someone had chained him to a beam. His arms outstretched to the rooftop, his feet not really touching the ground. An oil lamp next to him was illuminating his miserable condition.

"Please … I didn't do anything wrong. Please let me go." Randall pleaded. Daryl could see the pale face through all the blood and tears. "Please."

Daryl pulled out an old rag and stuffed it into his mouth. He took his knife looking at Randall who's eyes went wide. He began to wriggle, tried to free himself from the chains. He was afraid and that was good. Daryl wanted to protect his group. He had failed once and didn't want to fail again. He had lost too many people, this wouldn't happen again.

* * *

Daryl sat in front of Randall. The kid was strapped on a chair, his hands cuffed. He screamed at him in anger. "Shot at one of my boys … try to take this farm … and ya tryin' to tell me you're innocent …" He sounded dangerous, threatening.

"Yes!" Randall screamed back. His nose and mouth bloody from the punches. His eyes were wet and looked confused.

Daryl couldn't believe it. In this situation the kid still wasn't talking the truth. He began to beat it out of him.

"Stop!" Randall cried and Daryl sat back. "I'm not like them."

Daryl spat on the ground, exhausted from all the beating. "Don't like to fuck girls …"

"No!" Randall breathed hard. "I wanted to help."

"Help ya friends fuck some more defenseless women?" By the thought of what Randall had told before, he began to punch him again and again.

"I saved one. I swear. A brunette one." Daryl stood up.

"You would tell anything to get away, would ya?" He punched him again.

"I swear." Blood came out of his mouth and it looked like there was a tooth missing. "I pushed her in the bushes and lead the guys in the other direction. I saved her! Please believe me." He coughed.

Daryl looked down on the beaten kid.

* * *

A scream made Daryl look out of the open door into darkness. He took the oil lamp in one hand and his hunting knife in the other and ran out. Another scream. Daryl ran as fast as he could. He saw a walker on top of someone. With all his strength he jumped onto the walker, tackled it down and rammed his knife in his bold head. He let go of it and turned to the person on the ground. He just than realized it was Dale. His torso was wide open, his entrails crawling out of his bloody body.

Daryl heard voices and jumped up. "Help! Over here!" Again he kneeled down next to Dale. "Hang in there buddy."

One by one the group arrived at the dying Dale. No one could believe it was him. Rick knelled down next to Dale's head, taking him into both hands. "Hold on there!" He turned to the others. "Get Hershel!"

Andrea fell on her knees too. "Hang on there. Hang on there." As if her words could stop the pain Dale must feel … His chest open, his eyes telling nothing but fear and pain. Daryl looked at both of them. He couldn't believe he saw Dale nodding to Andreas words. Didn't he realize he was already sent to death?

Everyone was talking at once. When Hershel arrived, he could only tell the one evident thing that Daryl already knew. Hershel shook his head and Rick went crazy. "No!" The women were crying, even Glenn was losing some tears … Andrea was shocked, never leaving Dale's side.

Rick pulled out his gun, kneeling again next to Dale's head. He was thinking while looking at the painful face of Dale. He breathed hard. Andrea couldn't stand it. "Do something." She cried. "Do something!"

Daryl watched them and then his eyes focused on Dale. He was the only one who still talked about Ella. He remembered Dale always being nice to her at the camp. He never tried to talk her into NOT spending time with Daryl. He wondered why and now that he looked into the dying eyes of Dale he would never know.

The pleading of Andrea must have gotten through Rick. He stood up, releasing the safety catch of his gun. He pointed at Dales head, but you could tell from his eyes that he couldn't do it. His fingers were playing nervously with the gun in his hand. He trembled. In that moment Daryl took the gun out of his hands. He just knew Rick couldn't do it. He kneeled down, pointed the gun at Dales head. He was looking for words that would make it easier for Dale. Make him feel at ease, but no words would make him feel any better … Not him and not the others. Dale looked right at Daryl, his eyes glanced knowingly at him. "Sorry brother!"

**Hope you like my story so far. It is getting more interesting in the following chapters ... I swear ;o)  
See you next week **


	12. Chapter 12

**First thing: I want to apologize that i update that late ... I am really sorry! Hope my favs & faloowers are not too mad -_-' But thank you guys still staying with me ;o)  
So new chapter online! Hope you enjoy it xxx**

I woke up in the back of the car, still in my seat. I blinked and stretched my legs. I realized I was alone and panic grew inside me. Where were the others? Outside there were just trees, but no one of my group. Did they leave and left me all alone? Have we been captured by? I felt like going crazy and immediately opened the door to look for them. I stepped out of the car and wanted to run, when I heard someone clearing one's throat.

"Hey there sleepyhead." I turned and saw John and Mark sitting on top of the SUV.

"Where is Alex?" Was my first reaction. I was shocked to not see her with the guys.

"She needed to pee." John talked to me but wasn't looking at me. His eyes concentrated on the trees to our left. Was Alex in this direction?

I thought about the last time I went to pee on my own and was pissed. "You idiot. You let her go all by herself?" I was about to stomp away, in the direction John was looking, when I saw Alex coming out of the trees.

"You awake!" She began to run at me and almost knocked me over. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. What the hell …" I wanted to scream at her for going out on her own, but then I remembered me passing out. Why did I pass out? "What happened?"

"Yeah … What happened to ya?" John still was not looking at me.

Mark climbed down the SUV. "Maybe some kind of shock. This was all a bit too much stress in the last days for you girls." I was about to protest, but John silenced me with a don't-dare-to-argue look. "Now that everyone is awake, we should stay here."

Where exactly was here? I turned around. We were still in the woods, no road. "Where are we?"

"Now that sleepy-ass is conscious, we make two groups again." I looked at him annoyed. Why pick on me? Wasn't my fault._ Breath lil' one! Calm yourself!_ Right, I needed to calm the fuck down.

"Me and Mark take first watch." I told John. I wanted Alex to be safe. And she was more safe with John than with nervous Mark. They looked at me but John nodded, he seemed to understand my intention. "Okay. Let's eat, rest together, and then you two take first watch."

We sat together in silence. Real world had kicked in and it hurt pretty bad. I looked at Mark … there was a bandage around his neck. I remembered a bullet smashing the window. _Don't panic bad ass. This world won't bring you down._ Again I breathed in deeply.

After a while Mark glanced at his watch. "It's time to go." I looked at him confused. "Why you got a watch? Time is nothing but a word with no meaning. There are no more deadlines to keep but dead to kill."

He just smiled at me. "It'll be dark soon." I looked up into the sky. The clouds masked the sun and it was hard to tell what time of day it was. Birds flew by and I realized I didn't know what time it was and didn't even know which day. There was no school, no appointments, and no place to be on time … Mark was standing in front of me, his hand outstretched to help me get up. John eyed me. "Don't pamper her. I want our bad ass here to stay strong and don't get all whiney."

I shot him an evil look. "Whiney your ass." I grabbed Mark's hand and got to my feet. I went to the SUV, took my gun, and checked my bag: Ammo, check. Water, check. Dressing material, check. I took my stuff and went back to them. "Ready to go."

Alex was on her feet too. "Don't go too far. Just check the …" I interrupted her. "We'll be okay. We …" Now she interrupted me with a tight hug. When she let go off me, she winked at me and joined Mark who was at the car loading his gun.

"We won't stay here long. We will drive a loop home." John checked his gun too. With a low voice he turned to me. "What about ya passing out in the car before?"

I shrugged shoulders. "Like Mark said, just a shock or something like that." I wanted to walk over to Mark, but John grabbed my arm. "If ya don't feel good, you'll come back asap. Don't need you to hero around."

I glared at him in disbelief. "Hero around?"

"Don't!" He said in an assertive tone. "No time for joking. This is no game. There is no reset-button at the end. We need to stay together, need to stay safe." He starred me down and upheld his gun. "Go for the head, shoot always in the head."

"Ella, get your ass over here. Let's make a quick round! Want to be back before dark." Saved by the bell. I looked at Mark and nodded. John let go off my arm. "Ya heard me?!" I simply nodded.

When Mark and I walked away John screamed at us. "I want to see you two back here in two hours max." I raised my hand and waved goodbye without looking. We won't need two full hours. We just needed to check the woods around our car, clear up a safe zone.

* * *

We walked on and on without talking. I thought about John. When I first met him he had been all Merle. A real bad ass and his smile had always been kind of cocky. But now he had grown … he was a leader and his Merlish-behavior was kinda gone … I really liked him, liked his character. It felt like having a big brother again. I looked over to Mark who had changed too. At first I liked him, he ^had been nice and caring. Hell, he had saved my ass. But now I got the feeling he was too sensitive for this world. He wasn't rough no more but nervous. I didn't know how long we have walked but Mark suddenly stopped. "You heard that?"

I looked around, my gun raised. "No. What?" I was looking for a walker or a wild animal, but saw nothing. I hoped it was a deer or a rabbit. I was hungry for meat.

He took the shotgun, his voice unsteady. "Don't know. A rustling?!" Why did he ask me? How should I know what he had heard? I watched him looking around all nervous.

"Calm the fuck down." I was getting mad at his behavior. He needed to be strong and not all jumpy. I walked on. How high were the chances they followed us so far? _Don't you dare let down your guard!_ I immediately raised my gun, ready to shoot anything. This time I was happy the voice in my head told me what to do. Suddenly a boot was coming at my face. In the last second I drew aside so the boot couldn't meet my face, but it kicked away my gun. I looked into a malicious face. "Hey lil' princess." I wanted to grab my knife but he grabbed my hand and turned me around. I felt like a cop was grabbing me to body search. As he turned me around, holding my arms to my back that it hurt, I saw a man behind Mark. I couldn't believe Mark just stood there all frozen … his face was frozen, all pale. "Mark! Watch out!" I wanted to warn him, but he didn't move. Then he slowly raised his gun, but it was all too late, all too slow. The guy behind him shot Mark into his right leg. Mark went to the ground, kneeling in front of him. It looked like in medieval times, a guy on his knees, ready to be executed. Suddenly the guy behind him took out a huge knife.

"No!" I tried to fight the guy behind me back, but his grab around me was too firm, too tight. Mark looked down to the ground where his gun lay. He quickly took it and shot in my direction, I tried to turn to the side and suddenly the man's hold on me was loose. "Oh shit!" He could have shot me. Although it all happened fast, to me it was like someone was playing my life in slow motion. But y_ou should better move fast!_

I pushed the guy away from me and immediately took out my knife. But the guy fell back. I watched him meeting the ground hard. He wasn't moving and his gun fell out of his hand. I took it and looked to Mark who was still kneeling, holding his gun. I saw him trying to turn around, but the guy behind him grabbed his shoulder, steadying Marks' position. I wanted to run at them, shoot this bastard, but in the moment I started running the guy behind Mark pushed his knife directly through Marks temple … pushed it through his head. I could see the tip of the knife coming out on the other side of Mark's head. I couldn't believe the guy was smiling when he killed him. The fucking bastard was smiling.

I stopped dead in my tracks. _Turn and run!_ Again I obeyed the voice and started to run in the other direction. Suddenly a loud pang echoed at the trees and with the last reverberation I fell down. I was too slow to react and my body smashed into the ground. I tasted blood and dirt, and felt a hot and burning pain in my left shoulder. "Fuck!" I immediately stood up and without looking back, I shot. I shot all the ammo in the gun I had back at the fucking freak that had killed Mark until I heard the gun clicking but not firing anymore. I heard a scream. Had I shot him? I ran as fast as I could, ignoring the pain in my shoulder, ignoring where I ran. I was running for my life …

I didn't know where I was running and how long I had been running at all. I looked back and there was nobody following me. Had I outdistanced him? Where was I? I needed to find John … protect Alex … Thoughts came thick and fast while my shoulder burned like hell. _Breath!_

"Ella?" I jumped at the voice and turned around, the empty gun raised. "Oh my god, it's you!" I couldn't believe my eyes. As soon as I recognized her my eyes started to fill with tears. I dropped the gun. "Andrea!?" Was I dead and dreaming? Did I hit my head too hard? But no … there she was standing in front of me. "Andrea?" I asked again to make sure it was really her. She walked over to me and hugged me. "Ella!" I hugged her bag. I wanted to touch her, know if she was real. I felt her hair tickle my nose. She was real.

She pulled away, her hands on my shoulders. I flinched at the pressure she put on my wounded shoulder. "Where have you been? How did you find us?" She looked into my eyes and said something, but I wasn't listening. I still couldn't believe it. I was standing in front of one of my group. I starred at her, fixing her with my eyes. I didn't dare to blink, I was afraid if I would she would disappear … just go poof! "Where are the others?"

"They are close. We found shelter at a farm …" I felt tears stir up inside me. Andrea looked good, healthy. They had found shelter … I was relieved and smiled. "Ella, how did you find us?" She examined my body. When she let go off my shoulders she looked at her bloody hand and her eyes grew wide as she noticed my injured shoulder. "You are hurt. What happened to you?"

"I looked for all of you … every day I …" My words stuck in my throat. I couldn't find the words to tell her how happy I was to see her. I smiled at her. "Andrea. You are all alive!" _And if you don't move they won't stay alive!_ Her smile was warm but sad. The sadness in her eyes frightened me. The first thought that came to my mind was Daryl. "Is Daryl …?"

"He is fine." _You got your answer, now go!_

"I have to leave."

"What?" Her eyes showed bafflement.

"They sure are close on my heels. We need to move." I had to move. They should follow me, I shot at them. Andrea was innocent. I wanted to drag her with me, but she stopped me. "Ella, no." I took her hand and pulled her with me again. But in the moment I pulled her arm, my shoulder hurt like hell. Due to the pain I felt, I let go off her. "Who is after you?"

"Some men … I don't know. They killed one of my friends. If we stay her talking we are both dead flesh." Could her eyes grew any wider? She pulled out a gun from behind her bag. "I'll protect you." She seemed a lot stronger, grown up, like last time.

I shook my head. "That won't do. They will kill us." I had seen one of them killing Mark with a smile … they were bad to the bone. They would kill us the moment they saw us. Reminding the killing of Mike I hectically looked around. "Daryl kept on looking for you."

She got me. "Don't do this to me Andrea." Don't talk about him, please.

"He is alive and … he definitely wants to see you. When I told them that you had sneaked out, he went all Daryl. I know he wants to see you."

I smiled sadly. "You knew?" I saw him in front of my inner eye, his sly smile. My heart ached. I found my group and they were alive. Andrea was alive, Daryl was alive. _And if you don't move you won't see them alive._ I pushed her forward.

"Amy told me before she died." So she knew what I was referring to. I stopped. My sad smile was joined by tears. I couldn't help but cry … just couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "Amy is dead?!" Andrea nodded and hugged me. Amy was dead, Daryl was alive … it was too much. I began to grow weak in her arms … _Now is not the time to be weak._ The voice was right. I pushed her away. "Go Andrea. Please. I am injured and slow. You run back to the others as fast as you can." I looked at her bewildered face and saw my blood all over her jacket. I touched my wounded shoulder and looked at my hands. Blood … I began to feel dizzy. We had to act fast now.

"I will not leave you like that." She protested eying my wound.

"You have to. Run for help. I will run this way." I pointed to the setting sun.

"You want to run to the highway?"

Yeah, if there was one, than yes. "We'll meet at the street." I wanted to run but she grabbed my arm. "You are no longer the smiley face I've known. Ella what happened to you?"

Why was she arguing with me? "You haven't seen what I have seen." I freed my arm from her grip. "Listen to me. I need help. You are the only one who can help me now. You get Daryl and the others, get all your guns and stuff. I'll lead them to the street in this direction." I pointed at the setting sun again. "Please Andrea. I need your help!" I couldn't wait for an answer and started to run towards the orange sun. I looked over my shoulder, she wasn't following. "Tell Daryl I'll wait for him!" With that I saw her moving in another direction.

While I ran I felt my body flying over the ground. I felt lightheaded. It was like there wasn't much blood left in my body. Only the thought of meeting Daryl at the street kept me going. I tripped and fell down, my cheek kissing the leaves on the ground. It didn't hurt, I couldn't feel anything anymore. My body was moving on adrenalin. And so I stood up and ran farther. Was there a car between the trees? The highway Andrea mentioned must be just behind the next row of trees.

"Stop right there honey!" I didn't want to stop, but I heard the click of a gun. This voice … "Turn around and let me see ya pretty face." This fuckin' voice … I turned around to see a man pointing a gun at me. "Unarm yourself!" He was the one who had killed Mark. He was way older than me, maybe I could run farther … Who was I kidding, I was bleeding like hell.

He interrupted my chain of thoughts. "Or I tell my little friend here to do the job." He nodded to the man next to him who I really didn't want to touch me. I took my gun, but instead to unarm me, I pointed it at him. He couldn't know I was out of ammo. "Someone trying to play the hero over there …" His smile went to an evil grimace.

"Don't be so quick judging. She is a hell of a shooter." John came out of the trees on my right.

"You brought your boyfriend missy? Thought we could have some fun on our own." I suddenly heard Randall's voice in my head, telling me to run or to get raped. But I couldn't see Randall with these guys. Where was he?

"Hey yo, son of a bitch. Not over my dead body." As soon as John finished his sentence the guy shot him. I screamed in horror and fell on my knees beside John. "Damn it." John's voice was already weak. I looked at the wound in his chest. "John." I began to cry. This was a nightmare. "Run bad ass!"

"No. I can't …" My tears fell on his face.

"Listen. You go now! I will back you up!" I heard footsteps and turned around. The man with the mischievous smile came closer. I instantly pointed my gun at him. "One more step and I'll shoot you." He laughed at me.

"Don't think so." I heard the older man say in the back, he seemed to be their leader. As I looked to him I saw him having his pistol pointed at Alex, who was in a firm grip of another man. Where did she come from? I had hoped she was hiding somewhere safe. "Alex."

"What a pretty name." He pressed his gun to her throat. "Don't want that pretty head to blow off, do you?" My hand which was holding the gun began to tremble. "Let her go!" Alex face was pale, shock was written all over her face.

"Don't worry Alex, you're not gonna get hurt." The men laughed as if I had told a joke. My hand began to tremble harder, like it was out of control. I could feel my body weaken by the second. Not enough blood left to run, to fight or even hold a gun. "I said let her go!" The leader pointed his gun now at me. "Don't think you are in the position to negotiate."

"Ella! Run!" I heard John's voice behind me and a shot. John killed the man closest to us. I heard another shot and ran. But I didn't run off, I ran at the guy holding Alex. I was afraid he would shoot her. I wanted to be very close to him and push my knife into his damn smile. At that moment I didn't care if I would survive this or not. I knew I was at the edge.

I threw my unloaded gun at him and took my knife. In the moment I had my knife almost at his face, something bit me. I looked to my left and saw the leader with a bloody dagger in his hand. I looked to my left arm which had a deep cut. "Fuck!"

I wanted to attack him, but he put his gun to my temple. "Ah ah … wouldn't do that!" The guy I had my knife pointed at pointed his gun at Alex. Her eyes were all on me. If she was in shock I couldn't tell, she just gave me a warm smile. "Love you!"

"No Alex, we're gonna get out of here!" Tears streamed down her face but she nodded.

"Are two you lesbians not realizing the situation?" The man next to Alex began to sweat, he seemed nervous. The leader hit me with his gun against the head. I stumbled but in no time was balanced again. He came at me with his dagger again. He tried to wound me, but I sidestepped his attacks. I didn't know why I was still on my feet. Lightheaded I was wondering how my arm could be bleeding, thought I was out of blood minutes ago.

I tried to focus on the man attacking me, but when I blinked it was all foggy. I blinked again, blinked away the fog and dizziness. I was too focused on his dagger that I didn't see his fist coming straight at me. He hit me hard and for a short time everything went black. I felt my back meeting the ground. When the darkness slowly cleared away, I heard myself screaming in pain. My leg, the one that had been injured before, was cut open. Did I see my bone? I looked up on the leader staying above me. I couldn't stand up, my leg felt like dead. I heard Alex screaming my name and saw her behind the leader. She broke free and was running towards me.

The nervous guy behind Alex shouted something. I couldn't hear anything, my blood was rushing through my ears loudly. But I heard a shot and saw Alex flying down. Was she hurt, was she dead? "No!" No matter how much pain I felt, I tried to stand up. But the leader put his right boot onto my chest. "Don't worry. We'll have some good fun!" He pushed me back to the ground with all his weight on my chest. I looked to Alex who wasn't moving. To my left I saw another guy kicking John's body and screaming at him. „We snatched a tough bitch here!"

"Just kill me!" I spat at him. I would be bleeding to death anyway. I felt the rest of my blood dripping and I grew cold. The leader pressed his food with more pressure on my chest. "Ain't gonna kill you like that."

I couldn't breathe and coughed strongly. I heard steps coming closer and something hit my head hard. Everything turned dark. At first I still heard the voices of the men. "Are you nuts killin' the blonde? Look at her body, could have used her." Than it was all a blur.

Killed by a bunch of fuckin' assholes. I couldn't believe life ended that way. Damn this was a bad day … And then I remembered Andrea. I met her before, right? That was no dream, was it? Suddenly everything felt so nightmarishly. I could hear Andrea's voice, how she had told me Daryl was looking for me. Daryl … I didn't really know this guy. _You do know!_ Didn't know why he always appeared in my thoughts and dreams. And now he was the last thought in my life. The one thing I was holding onto the whole time … Was I crying? Didn't know … but I felt like crying.

I felt my body moving. They dragged me somewhere. I felt leaves under my moving body. It suddenly felt so soft, like a bed. A bed would be nice, sleep would be nice. _Don't you damn sleep right now. Open your eyes. Fight!_ The voice screamed at me, pleaded. I tried to open my eyes, but failed. I wanted to fight them, to kill them. I wanted to know if Alex was okay, but I already couldn't feel my left leg anymore not to speak of my head. _Don't give up Ella, don't … _But I just couldn't.

**Wohoo ... there is the action i was working for ;o) What do you think? Too bloody? Too bad? Sorry for the cliffhanger, but no worries, i swear next chapter will be online on friday!** **Special thanks to my fav and followers, you keep me going! See you in a bit **


	13. Chapter 13

**Back to the roots. This chapter is all about the Walking dead crew ;o)  
Thanks to my favs and followers again, you guys keep me going!**

Daryl was down on one knee. "They were going almost next to each other." Daryl looked up at Glenn, but he seemed distracted. When Glenn realized Daryl's glare, he innocently looked at him. "What?"

"That means Shane was pushing him this way. They were together." Glenn nodded, but didn't say a thing. "So he is lyin'" Daryl spat at Glenn. He was frustrated that Glenn seemed to be not really clear-headed.

"Why would you say she is a liar?" Glenn blinked at him. "I saw blood on her jacket!"

"She? I'm talkin' about Shane." Daryl gave up talking to Glenn and went on following the track, not caring if Glenn followed him.

"I meant Andrea and what she had said." Glenn tried to keep pace with Daryl, but he wasn't paying him any attention. "So you think she was lying?" Daryl turned around and grabbed a fistful of Glenn's shirt. "I don't care about Blondie. I want to find this Randall kid."

Glenn tried to break free. "I thought you would be the one going after Ella." Hearing that name, her name, Daryl immediately let go off him. "What?" He was surprised to hear her name. No one ever talked about her except Dale and now Glen said her name. Glenn stammered. "I … I couldn't really hear what she said … I … I think I heard her say Ella's name … Dunno …" He awfully scratched is neck. "Andrea said she saw her in the woods … wounded." Daryl stepped closer. "I thought I heard wrong … I cannot believe … you know … I mean … But what if she really said Ella's name!?" Daryl was only inches away from Glenn, starring him down.

"What? Where?" His fury eyes were wide as hell, but his words were like the calm before a storm.

"I don't know. I heard her talking to Lori … Said she met her in the woods all bloody." He said again. Now he felt bad that he had mentioned it at all, not really knowing if he was telling the truth. "I was outside, didn't even hear them talk clearly. Maybe she said something else. But there was blood on her jacket." Glenn's eyes mirrored compassion.

Daryl leaned against a tree. Could it be true, did Andrea really meet Ella? Why was everybody talking about her lately? Why talk about a ghost?

* * *

**Days ago**

Daryl was sitting on the front porch, polishing his knife, when Dale appeared and sat down across of him. "You know … I think about her too … a lot." Daryl stopped polishing. He didn't lift his head but starred at Dale out of the corner of his eye. There was no question asked, so he didn't answer. "She is such a cheerful little girl. Can't believe she is already in her late 20ties. Ella always looked like a kid to me." Dale's gaze wandered from Daryl to the farm yard.

"Ya think she is still alive?" Daryl's raspy voice showed no emotion. He noticed Dale was talking of Ella in present tense and realizing he was the only one talking of her. Glenn had talked about her too, but now that he spent more time with Maggie the ghost of Ella faded.

"I just cannot … no, I don't want to believe she is dead. Some people just don't deserve to die." Dale seemed to be lost in thoughts. "She was an asset to the group, always cheered us up with her happy nature. I think she didn't even know she did … Always polite and helping with a sunny mile." Daryl gnawed on his thumb nail and starred wordlessly at the old man. "I think she was the happiest being around you." Their eyes met. Daryl stopped nibbling but still starred at Dale with small eyes. "What makes ya think that old man?" His words were slow and sharp.

Dale smiled about Daryl's offending accent. "That's right I am old. But I saw a lot. I had a niece and you can tell from a girls face when she is happy. Ella always had a rapt smile on her face when she was with you." He smiled over to Daryl who answered the gesture with his lips curling downwards.

"She smiled at everyone." Daryl couldn't believe that this gaffer told him too that Ella had cared for him. But … Ella had said the same thing when he had fallen down the hillside days ago. Her illusion in his head … she had told him she cared more than he knew. He sat back in his chair, pushing away the arousing thoughts. Knowing it was all imagined.

"Of course she did." He stood up, but didn't leave. "I would have kept looking for her back than if I had known she had sneaked out. But I didn't know. After Andrea told us about Ella's pull out, I wanted to pack all my stuff and go back. But I didn't do it. Now that I see we are all transforming into murderers, I want to badly know where she is. But I just don't know." He paused a moment and sighed. "In this world full of walking dead bodies, murderers and … I hope she found her cousin in Atlanta … hope she found shelter. I couldn't stand it if I knew she is hurt or dead. In my heart she is well off, smiling at me in my dreams." He waited, waited if Daryl would say something, but he didn't. Dale smiled at him before he left. "Believe me, she cared and was happy around you." Daryl watched him wandering over to the trees where the RV was parked.

"She is alive … somewhere." Daryl always avoided the thought about where Ella would be now. He always thought about her past-self, replayed moments they had shared in his mind. She was like a ghost to him, always in his head, in his thoughts, somewhere deep hidden in his heart. But he couldn't think where she was now, what she was or would be doing right now. He was somewhat afraid of this thought.

* * *

A rustling sound made Daryl wake up from his daydream. Glenn was close behind him, his weapon raised. Daryl hid behind a tree and suddenly he had a too familiar smell in his nose. He looked closer at the tree. "Blood." Glenn looked at the tree too. "Maybe this is the tree Randall pushed Shane's head into."

Daryl looked at him in disbelief. "You still think Shane is telling the truth?"

Glenn shook his head. "Never really trusted him." He looked to the right and his eyes went wide. Daryl immediately turned around and saw Walker Randall coming straight at them. He took his crossbow and shot at the approaching zombie. When he went to Randall, he checked the corpse. "He died of a broken neck!?" With a questioning look he examined dead Randall again. Glenn kneeled down beside him. "Maybe he was bidden after …" But Daryl interrupted him. "Shane killed him. He was lying and now he is with Rick." They both stood up. "We have to go back."

Daryl was eager to go back to tell Rick what they had discovered and he wanted to talk to Andrea. Did she really see Ella? Could it be true? All the time he hallucinated or thought about her … would he really see her alive eventually? And if so, why did he care … what would he say to her?

Back at the farm it was all a mess. Walkers were everywhere. The others said Rick and Shane weren't back yet and Carl was missing too. Because of all the walkers … the chaos … there was no point in going after them. Daryl was just looking for Andrea. Where was this blonde woman? He didn't even listen to the plan or how they all could escape. Suddenly the barn was on fire and the group scattered, fighting for their life. Daryl watched a car driving away, so he ran to his motorcycle. He rode his bike and killed walkers while he looked for Andrea. Through the smoke he saw a person stumbling … Was it a walker or a human being? When he approached it turned out to be Carol. He took her hand and drove away with her. He had to get her to a safe place. The highway popped into his head, the place where they had put food for Sophia. The highway … This would be a place they would all go to. A good place to congregate. He hoped Andrea would be there too.

They were all there, even Rick. Daryl stopped the bike. After Carol descended, he pushed out the kickstand and balanced the bike. He walked over to the group, looking around, and not caring that he interrupted a conversation. He searched for a blonde head, but didn't see her. "Where is Andrea?" The group babbled on and on, but no one saw her around and going back to look for her was not an option. Glenn looked knowingly at Daryl who screamed for her again. "Where is she?" Glenn walked over to him. "Calm down man."

"Don't ya dare tell me to calm down." Daryl's eyes were a thin line.

Glenn turned to Lori. "Andrea was talking to you, right? Before we left to search for Randall she told you something." Lori held her belly where her unborn child was growing. "Ella." Her face expressed bewilderment. You could tell from the faces of the others, that they were bewildered as well. Daryl stepped closer to her. "What about her?"

"Andrea … She said she met Ella." Lori's eyes flickered, she seemed to mull over. Everybody's attention was now at Lori. "At first I didn't believe her, told her she is imagining things. But she talked on and on, said Ella's shoulder was wounded, all bloody … Someone was after her." She mumbled. "She was afraid." Her words were merely a whisper. Daryl wanted to grab her, to shake her … wanted her to talk loud and clear, tell him where Ella was. But when he stepped closer, ready to grab Lori's shoulders, Rick stepped between them his attention at Lori. "Where?" Lori's unseeing eyes were still on the ground. "In the woods."

"Where is Ella now? Why didn't she come with Andrea?" Rick took hold of her shoulders. His voice was a little shaky and he seemed somehow distracted.

"She said they wanted to meet at the highway." Suddenly she looked up and looked straight at Daryl. "She said she will be waiting for you." The words met Daryl like a piercing arrow and he immediately walked to his bike. Rick followed him. "Wait!" But Daryl mounted the bike, ignoring Rick. When Rick grabbed Daryl's arm, he aggressively shook him off. "Get ya fuckin' hands off me!" He spoke through gritted teeth.

"Daryl, we do not know where exactly …" But before he could go on Daryl interrupted his sheriff-leader-speech. "Same shit man. This time I'm going after her." The last time Rick had told Daryl to don't leave was at the CDC. This time there wouldn't be a discussion. He started the engine and when he wanted to drive away, Glenn barred his way. "I am coming with you." Without waiting for an answer he mounted the bike behind Daryl and they instantly departed without a word. Beth watched them disappear. "Who is Ella?"

While they drove the highway Daryl looked right and left. No Ella. Glenn pointed in the woods. "Maybe she is somewhere in there …" Daryl wanted to drive into the woods, but a herd of walkers appeared. "Fuck." Daryl put in the breaks. "Ella!" He shouted at the walkers. The herd grew bigger.

"Daryl. There are more coming out of the woods." Glenn was right. Daryl swallowed hard as his eyes scanned the pack of zombies. He was afraid to see her next to these dead bastards. But he couldn't spot her among them. "Maybe she found Andrea. Maybe they …" Glenn stopped when Daryl accelerated. With one hand on the bike and one hand on the gun, he shot a way through the wall of walkers. Glenn shot in the same direction. Daryl drove into the woods, looking around. There was nobody but more dead bodies and none of them looked like her.

"Daryl!" Glenn screamed. A walker was grabbing him, but Daryl shot him in the head without blinking. If he would have been alone he would have kept on looking. But not only his life but that of Glenn was in danger. Too many walkers, too little ammo. Daryl screamed in frustration and made his way back to the highway. He drover further, but they saw nothing but lonesome cars and walkers. Glenn was silently sitting behind Daryl not daring to speak. After some time passed Daryl turned the bike around and drove back. The group who was still in the same place, awaiting them.

"You found her?" Lori was the first to ask. But she saw in the faces of the arriving man that they weren't lucky at all.

"Did you found at least a hint?" Carol looked at them hopefully, but she too was disappointed when Glenn shook his head.

Both man dismounted the bike. Glen went to Maggie while Daryl took a bar from the ground and began to batter an ownerless car. Windows and headlights were smashed … He thought about Ella coming to his tend the first time. She had asked for help to teach him how to defend herself. No one would teach her so she had asked him. After a few requests he finally had given in. Now while smashing a car he realized why he was angry, why he cared … because he felt responsible. She had asked him for help and now he didn't help her. Daryl crushed the front lid again and again, until Rick touched his shoulders. Daryl was surprised by the touch and almost punched Rick's face. When he realized it was he furiously turned around, and looked into pity eyes. He had always hated the glance of pity and dumpishness. He threw the bar away and felt his hands shaking.

**By the way: I read the beginning of my story again and couldn't help but laugh about my writing style. It didnt sound like how i would write it now. haha ... but thanks to the readers who followed till here and kept on reading ;o) You guys rock  
****See you soon ;o)**


	14. Chapter 14

**I am so sorry to update so late. My laptop crashed and i needed an awful lot of time to get the harddisk out ...  
Hope you guys are satisfied with an extra long chapter. Enjoy! **

I was awoken by a bad headache. When I opened my eyes it was still kind of dark. I was lying on the ground, cold cement floor kissing my back. I sat up slowly while every inch of my body hurt. Looking around I saw bars and realized I was in a cell. It looked like an old little prison from the Wild Wild West. I tried to stand up, but failed miserable. I was too weak. My head met the cold floor and I saw little stars dancing in front of my eyes, laughing at me. I shook my head and looked to the reason why I couldn't stand up: My arm. I tried to move my left arm, but nothing … I touched it but couldn't feel my arm at all. It was all patched up. Patched up? Why was I patched up? Then it hit me. I had been shot. My friends, Alex had been shot, John … Thoughts hit me like slaps … I met Andrea. I was baffled, I was still alive?

I looked around in the darkness again, but I was all alone. Not feeling my arm, imprisoned … I began to panic. Then I tried to remember … what was the last thing that had happened? They guy had shot me and then he had slashed my arm and my leg … I looked at my leg, patched up too. My thoughts went back before I passed out. They had killed Alex, had killed John and Mark. I hoped they hadn't killed Andrea. I hoped she was safe, hoped they all were safe. Daryl … _There are other things to worry about now._

Where the hell was I? _Exactly, hell._

Again I tried to stand up, but this time I put all strain on my right arm and right leg. I finally got up and stood there rocking. I must have made a laughingstock, rocking front and back, as if a moderate breeze could knock my socks off. I looked down on me. Someone had cut my trousers. One leg was long and the one patched up was short. My T-shirt was bloody and torn, and my no-longer-white-bra was visible through the torn shirt. I felt dizzy again and grabbed for the bars of the cell in front of me. I began to sweat.

"Well, well …" Suddenly someone moved in front of the bars. The leader appeared out of the shadows behind the bars. I was paralyzed … The damn man who had killed my friends. "I knew you would make it." I glared at him wordlessly. I was stiff and my whole body hurt. Could I fight back now? "You are a hell of a fighter missy. Wouldn't even give up in death." He came closer. "Put you back together." He touched the bars next to me.

I breathed in deeply. I was sweating like hell … too much strain from standing. The pain of my wounds began to knock on the door of my conscious and it was suddenly hard to stay upright. "What do you want from me?" I spat out.

His forehead rested on the bars above me. He was at least one and a half head taller than me. Without lifting my head I looked up and saw a warm smile. But suddenly his left hand grabbed around my right hand and his right hand was on the back of my head. "Taking care of your wounds and you don't even thank me." I tried to push my head back, but he was stronger. He was holding my head like a basketball. "Still a fighter, are we?!" All of a sudden he slammed my head into the bars. I fell back to the floor, a rusty taste in my mouth. I touched my lips and saw blood on my fingers. "You must be used to the look of blood. Your body has already some scars." He paused "And a nice tattoo."

I crawled away from him until my back was meeting the back wall of the cell. My tattoo was in a hidden spot on my body, so my parents would never find out. If he had seen it, he had seen way too much. "You think you are safe behind these bars? Think you are safe in the very back corner?" He pulled a key out of his pocket and began to swing it forth and back, like a hypnotist. "You are not safe at all, little miss bloody face." I stared at him and the swinging keys.

"Why did you dungeon me?" My voice didn't sound like me at all.

He laughed. Fucking grinning cheeks laughed at me. "Stop laughing psycho." He stopped but looked at me with lust in his eyes. "When I am finished with you, you will be the psycho here." The blood in my veins froze. He must have seen my expressions. "That is the look I wanted."

Suddenly the door opened and some light blinded me. A man's voice called for him. "Phillip! Need your help out here." The man called Phillip hit the key against the bars and I flinched at the loud metal sound. With a wintry smile he told me goodbye and went out. When I was alone, I stood up again. It was hard, but there was no time to be whiny. I looked for a window, but there was none. The window was bricked. No way out.

The door opened again with a loud bang. I turned around to see a street and a car before the door was shut again. "You little bitch killed ma brother." A young man was standing in front of the bars. He was good looking, but his evil smile was not good at all. I felt dead sent. I saw a key in his hand as he came closer and opened the cell. If I would have been strong enough I would have thrown myself on him, tried to get out. But it wasn't even worth trying, my body already told me to stop standing by sweating like hell. He approached me with the angriest face I had ever seen. I looked around in panic, searching for a weapon to defend me, anything, but there wasn't even a pallet.

"No one will hear you, no one will help." He grabbed a fistful of my hair and I screamed. He banged my head into the wall and before I could fall, he pressed my body up against it. Pressing my face against the cold bricks he whispered in my ear. "I will punch the shit out of ya." I shivered. I wanted to beg for letting me go, but I knew that wasn't going to help me in any way. He would just punch me harder. _But you got to struggle!_ Easy talking when you are just a fucking voice in my head. Not real!

The guy grabbed my wounded arm and tilted it to my back. I screamed in pain. My shoulder painfully answered my screams with blood and I felt my shirt soaking in fresh red liquid. "Yeah, scream you bitch." He tilted my arm more, but I pressed my lips together not doing him the favor to scream in pain again. He tilted it again and it felt like he almost broke my arm. But I didn't scream. "You fuckin' whore …" He let go off my arm and I suspired in relief.

I heard him utter a brief laugh behind me and an unzipping sound. Before I could react or turn around, he pressed me against the wall again feeling his body against my back. I felt him getting a hard-on. My heart began to beat fast. Panic arose in me. I tried to fight him off, but with one hand he tried to pull down my trousers and with the other one he pushed his thumb into my wounded shoulder.

"No!" I couldn't help but scream in pain and frustration. "Please, don't!" My face was rubbed against the wall when I started crying. "Yeah, scream, cry … nothing's gonna help you!" With my right arm I tried to punch him. He almost had my trousers down to my knees. When the punching didn't help, I tried to hold my trousers up. But that just earned me another pang against the wall. I fell to my knees, exhausted. "What …" The guy seemed even angrier. He stood in front of me, his bare front in my face. _Your chance …_ With my right arm I punched as hard as I could in his cock. He screamed and held his family jewels in a crooked position. "You bitch!" With might and main I threw my fist at his temple. He fell down and I punched his head again and again. The door was opened again and Phillip came in. His gun pointed at me. Instead of shooting me he began to laugh. "A fighter she is indeed." Still pointing the gun at me he screamed to the open door. "Len, get your damn ass in here." A man with shaggy brown hair entered. He looked at me in disbelief. Without saying a word he dragged his friend out of the cell and out of the room. Phillip proudly smiled at me. "I told him you were mine!" He threw a bottle of water to me and locked the cell. He went out, shutting the door, leaving me alone again.

I buttoned up my trousers and felt disgust. _You have to stay strong! _I began to cry silently. This was hell, even more bad than the damn apocalypse. I wish I had died in the woods … I saw the face of the man who tried to rape me. Would he try it again? _Don't think that. You have to fight them. You can escape! _I remembered Randall who had told me about his group, about the rapping. I slid down the wall and sat on the ground again watching the door. "What do you know?!" I couldn't stand the voice anymore. _I am always there for you. You don't need to be afraid! _

"No need to be afraid? This guy almost raped me. What will you do next time he tries? Spirit me up?" I laughed bitterly while tears streamed down my face. My watery eyes fixed the door. I wanted to be ready the next time a nightmare would walk in. But my body ached for rest and sleep.

* * *

I was awoken by coughs … It was me coughing. My eyes flew open and I sat up straight. A blonde man was sitting next to me. "Who are you?" It wasn't dark anymore and I could see everything clearly. The lights in this shabby dungeon were on. I looked at him and noticed a bloody bandage in his hands. I looked down on me. All of my bandages were replaced. "Why do you patch me up?" He silently stood up. The man looked kind of friendly. His eyes innocent and his movements insecure.

"Please help me!" I whispered. But his face was unchanged. If he didn't help me, maybe he knew about my friends. Maybe he patched them up too. "Are my friends here too?" I knew Mark was dead and John didn't seem so alive last time. But maybe Alex, maybe she wasn't dead. But sad eyes looked at me and he shook his head. With tears in my eyes I looked behind the man. We were alone. "Please … let me go." In the moment he opened his mouth the door opened with a pang. "Hey Milton. Time is up." The blonde immediately left the cell and whispered to me. "I'm sorry."

I stared at the other man who stood in the door. After Milton had left the room he came closer and looked the door up. He was close and I could see his features. It was the guy again who tried to rape me. "I don't get it why Phillip wants you to be patched up." He took a chair and put it directly in front of the bars. He sat down. "Murderers like you don't deserve that."

"I didn't kill your brother!" I told him in a low voice. I was afraid of him, he sure was no good.

"Shut up bitch!" He screamed at me. "I will torture you …" He paused. "I am going to kill you very slowly … let the blood leave your body as slowly as possible. I heard bleeding to death is the worst. You will beg me to kill you." He laughed. "And then you will turn and I can kill you again!"

I remembered what Phillip had said. He said I was his. "Phillip won't let you."

His laugh faded and he looked daggers at me. "I don't care what this asshole of a self-proclaimed leader wants. Joe would have let me do whatever I wanted. I saw you first. I claimed you!" He rose from his chair. Did I wake the lion? I backed off. But he grabbed my leg through the bars. "No!" He pulled me to him. I fought with tooth and nail, but my left arm and leg were like dead. And on top of that I was hungry and weak. I punched him in the face hard, but he smiled. "Only makes it worse!" He sat down pulling my leg through the bars. I wanted to grab the bars, but he took my lifeless left armand pulled it through the bars to him. I tried to kick him, but he was too strong. "You shabby bitch." He took out his knife. At the sight of the metal in his hand my eyes went wide.

"I like your eyes wide and scared!" He cut my wrist, but I felt nothing. He seemed confused. He tried it again, but my mimic didn't change but his expression began to change into frustrated hate. I saw the bloody knife and tried to fight him. It was all without success. My stomach growled, I was so damn hungry. With my right arm on a bar I pushed myself away from him, but he grabbed my arm and pulled it to him. I sat on the ground, my left leg and my arms through the bars. I couldn't even push myself back anymore. Suddenly I felt pain on my right wrist and gave a wince of pain. The guy smiled triumphantly. He cut me again and again and I flinched every time. "Please stop!" Tears of pain left my eyes. "Stop it." But he didn't instead he began to laugh. "An eye for an eye!" Was his answer.

"I didn't kill your brother." I whispered. I was so damn hungry, couldn't even scream at him. Maybe he didn't hear me or he just didn't want to hear my words. He attended to the rag which once was my beloved rainbow shirt. "So lil' miss sunshine, the sunny days are over." He ripped my shirt even more. "NO!" He punched me in the face. For a short time it was dark, but I saw a hand coming at me, reaching for me. At the end of the hand I saw my brothers smiling face. _Come with me!_ I felt relieve and while I grabbed his hand I saw a knife coming at me and splashing blood.

My eyes popped open and the first thing I saw was the guy in front of me with his knife raised. He suddenly exhaled in relief, but his face immediately changed into an evil antic. "I am not finished with you … yet. This is just a foretaste of what comes up next." I felt pain on my chest and tried to look at it. He had made cuts into my flesh. The burning pain made me fight him back hard. This time I was not going to give up until he would be off me. _Yeah, this is my bad ass. Kick him off!_

"Finally fighting? For what?" He raised the knife. His eyes were crazy and full of fire. But before he could stab me a voice interrupted his actions. "What are you doing you stupid bastard?" Footsteps were coming closer. I saw a man with grey hair and beard. Although his hair was all grey, he didn't look old. He raised the gun and pointed it at the guy. I was surprised that he wasn't going to shot me. "Get off her!"

The guy immediately stood up. "Hey Joe …" His voice was somewhat obedient and he looked afraid. "You have to understand, she shot my brother!" This Joe guy told him with the gun to move away from me. I was too scared to move. Was Joe going to save me or would he be even worse?

"Shut up Andy!" He released the safety catch. Andy ran, but Joe shot. I flinched at the loud pang and shut my eyes. Joe laughed. "Next time I won't miss ya." I opened my eyes and saw Andy looking down on himself. When he realized he wasn't shot he ran out of the door. I saw Joe coming closer to me, as he kneeled down in front of me I looked into cold eyes. "Don't know why Phillip claimed ya. Ya look like a damn whore to me." With the barrel of his gun he brushed the hair out of my face. "A whore with pretty eyes." He laughed again. His brown eyes pierced through mine. "I am not going to lie to you hun. You wish you would have died in the woods after these guys will finish you." My eyes went wide and I looked at his gun. He followed my gaze. "You want me to shoot you? Release you from the pain? Andy has produced quiet a piece of art out of ya." He examined my body while I tried to back away.

Joe stood up. "Sorry gal, Phillip saw you first!" He walked over to the door. "Hey Milton, come on over here. You've got some work to do!" Before he walked out he turned and looked at me. "All of the other guys would have fucked you to death." With these words he went away while I began to shiver and cry. This was hell. A nightmare and nobody would wake me up, rescue me. I crawled away from the bars, laid back, and looked at the ceiling of the cell. I would die in here and no one would ever know. _I would know._ "That doesn't count." I was alone talking to myself, crying like a baby.

Footsteps. I raised my head and saw Milton again. Was he some kind of doctor? "Oh my god." He stared at me. "What have they done to you?" I stared at him in disbelief. Before he didn't want to talk and now he was compassionate? He kneeled down beside me. "I am so sorry." I looked at him wordlessly. He couldn't be better than the others. All men of this fucking group seemed to be assholes, why would he be an exception? "Don't be!" I spat at him and my stomach growled again as if to emphasize my words. Milton had a bag with him and pulled out a banana. I didn't trust him, so I didn't accept the fruit. "You can have it. Eat fast. I don't want to be caught." I still didn't accept it. He put it in my left hand and I sniffed. He didn't react to that but examined my newly wounds. When he cleaned the wounds on my wrist I cringed. "Sorry M'am, I need to do it or it'll get infected." I laughed at him with tears in my eyes. "You're funny." I laughed even harder while tears streamed down my face. My whole body was shaking. Milton leaned back as if he was afraid I would explode and kill him. At some point I grew quiet again. When he began to bandage my wrist I moved and he looked at me with a pity face. "Please help me escape." This was my last option to leave this place.

"I can't … You belong to …" I interrupted him. "I don't belong to anyone but myself. I am a fucking human being not an object. If you will not help me escape … than please don't patch me up no more. Leave me be, let me die." His pity face grew even more pitiful. "I cannot do this …" He went on bandaging my wrist.

"Why do you guys imprison me at all?" Milton looked at me like he was surprised to hear me ask. "Your heart had stopped while I bandaged you. We didn't know if you would survive or turn." I wanted to sit up but he softly pushed me down. "I am okay, so you can let me go now." He shook his head. "You are injured pretty badly. You cannot survive on your own like this." I tried it again. "Please let me be." But again he sadly shook his head.

He won't help me and the others wanted to kill me or worse. "I can kill myself, give me a knife, a scalpel … anything to kill me." He looked at my chest in disgust. He sanitized it while I stared at him, but he ignored my glance. When he was finished he stood up and looked at my outstretched left arm where I still held the banana. "Eat it!" It wasn't an order but sounded more like a request.

"I can't feel my left arm." I admitted in a low voice. He came closer again and took the banana, peeled it and put it in my right hand. I ate it under his satisfied glance. "Maybe I can talk Philip into letting you go." I just mumbled "Sure …" He blinked at me, as if he didn't believe what kind of person Phillip was. "You don't know him. He is a warm-hearted man. We just met these guys on a run for medical supplies. We have a little town … shelter." Shelter … this word was used too often these days and its meaning faded with every day of the apocalypse.

The door opened again and Phillip entered. I felt like being on the stage where the next character entered the scene to make his debut. I hastily ate the fruit. "Ah, you're eating!" He looked at Milton. "How are her wounds?" "Better." Milton looked at Phillip like a kid afraid of his father's beating. "The new cuts are not that deep."

"What cuts?" Phillip came closer. "This guy still hasn't learned to follow the rules." He nodded Milton to leave. "I don't think we stay with them any longer." Milton nodded and I watched him walking to the door. "Wait." Milton immediately stopped. "Give me one of the band-aid." Milton obeyed and left. Phillip turned to me with an unreadable smile. "What are you gonna do to me?" My heart sank into my boots. I sat up and felt pain all over my body.

"I think you would have made a wonderful person." I couldn't believe my ears, his voice was suddenly soft. "When I first saw you, you reminded me so much of my lovely wife." He seemed sad, but his eyes looked dangerous. "She died in the very beginning and left me and Penny all alone." Who the hell is Penny? Phillip seemed kind of distracted and maybe this was my chance to talk to the emotional Phillip who was not able to kill a woman looking like his wife. He stood right in front of me, fell down on his knees and took out a knife. I was afraid that the sad Phillip was gone and he was brutal-Phillip again. "You don't have to kill me. Your wife wouldn't have wanted you to …" All of a sudden both of his hands were at my throat. He strangled me slightly. I clasped his wrists and tried to look into his eyes. "Don't you dare talk of her!" He boiled with rage and his grasp grew tighter, I almost couldn't breathe.

He suddenly turned me over and sat on my back. He lifted my shirt and began to cut into my flesh. I screamed while I felt the cold steel of the knife. "No! Please …" I heard him laughing. "No one will ever touch you again!" I heard him moaning before I passed out from the pain …


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello again! Since my last update I have two new followers and favs. Thank you guys for joining ;o) Comments are always welcome. Have fun reading guys! **

**Finally we find out more about the voice that supports Ella's every move. What you think of last chapter bringing together Joe's group and Phillip? Since****the appearance of Randall and his talk to Daryl at the Green's farm I thought he might be a member of Joes or Phillips group ;o) So I tried a little crossover ^^**

_Wake up! _

I opened my eyes and saw the smiling face of my brother. My lips began to curl up in a smile, but when I blinked he was gone. Looking around I realized I was still in the same damn cell. I hoped I had died … but again my hope was betrayed by reality. _No matter what, I won't leave you. You are not alone._

I sat up and saw the bottle of water Phillip gave me days ago. I reached for it and drank hastily. How long have I been imprisoned? I couldn't tell … All I could tell was that I was hallucinating my brother's voice again and again. Maybe I was hydrated, maybe I was just stupid. _I am here with you. _Suddenly the voice was as clear as never before.

"Why do you haunt me?" I whispered to the walls. _What are you talking about bad ass? I am always there for you. Told you I would never leave you._ I smiled at his words and remembered the day my brother had died. It had been on my 19th birthday. We had celebrated a little party in the garden of my parent's house, just family. The sun had been shining, it had been such a lovely day. My brother, who I had always looked up to, had told me he had a present for me and we had to ride his bike to get there. My parents hadn't want us to go, especially my father.

I had always loved to ride a bike but since this not-so-special-day-anymore I had never wanted to be near a motorcycle again. On our way a car had crashed into our bike and we had been flying through the air like thrown stones … like free birds. All I remember was, that I had been lying on warm asphalt next to my brother. There had been a constant ringing in my ears, as if the angels signaled our arriving in heaven. But it hadn't been heaven at all. While lying on my stomach and my brother on his side, we had been looking into each other's eyes. I had seen nothing but him. The moment had been so absurd and sacred at the same time. But the pain I had felt all over my body had been more than real and I had realized we were going to die. I could tell from his eyes that he had been in immense pain too, but still he had been smiling at me the whole time. Now that I thought about it he maybe had done it to distract me from all the pain.

"Please don't leave me!" I had cried for him to stay awake and wait for the ambulance I had hoped someone had called. His voice had been low and fading when he had told me he loved me and was sorry. The last words he had ever spoken to me had been "I will never leave your side!" Since this moment when the breath of life had left his lips forever, I heard his voice in my head, and had panic attacks from time to time. I had always thought I was crazy, insane, but he always told me I was not. _That's right sweet little sis. I told you I would never leave your side! Told you to be there when you would start to fall apart and guide your direction. _My eyes began to fill with tears. "I wish I had died with you." I felt responsible for the death of my brother, but I never told him. I never really spoke to the voice in my head. Sometimes he was a welcome relief who supported me, comforted me … but sometimes he disturbed my every thought and action. _Don't be sorry. I am happy you are still alive. _"What a groaner."

_All my life you have been the most important person to me. You are my everything. _I listened to my brother's voice and felt like a brainsick idiot rotting in an asylum. _You remember the first time we rode my bike? _I nodded as if he could see me. _Pop always hated me for every time I asked you to ride with me. He was afraid something could happen to his precious daughter. _I smiled remembering my dad's fatherly scolding and my mother's lovely touch that I missed so much right now. Our relationship had always been special.

When we had been riding his bike together I had always clung to my brother like a monkey, afraid I could fly away but loved the wind on my skin, on my face. _You always loved to ride my bike. _I could see his smiling lips and shiny eyes, his blonde curly hair. But at the end of my thoughts containing my brother I always saw blood coming out of his mouth. It was the same image, the same moment when we were lying on the warm asphalt waiting for the death to call for us. A tear rolled down my cheek and I shut my eyes. _Ella!_

I opened my eyes again to see nothing. I didn't know why I still hoped to see him, I really must be a brainsick idiot. _You will survive this, you will stick this out. _"Don't quiet have a choice." _You always have a choice … to live. Don't think about dying. _But I still hoped Milton would show mercy and leave a knife to me. _Don't you remember mom telling us about purgatory? If you kill yourself heaven will expel you and you will rot in hell. _I let out a small laugh. "Never really believed in her words. God is a fictitious character in a long forgotten book. It's only for believers, not for me." _Don't say that, mom believed. _Did he really think after all the humiliation and pain I could believe there was a higher something controlling the world's steps on a path to redemption? This world has gone to shit and I went with it.

The voice grew silent. I didn't want him to talk about God or my parents, but I wanted him to talk to me. I felt alone and was in need of a warm embrace. _I wish I could be your hero. _"You always have been my hero! Always comforted me and sheltered me from all the bad things." I smiled the tears away remembering my brother protecting me of bad boys. _But now there is nothing I can do. _"Talk to me. Let me know I am not alone and it is worth living, otherwise I cannot go on … I don't want to …" _They are still out there, somewhere … Your group, your friends. Andrea is waiting for you at a highway and Daryl is waiting for your return. _Why did he have to mention him? _You know too well why. His name makes your heart beat faster and makes you want to survive. If you want to see them again you need to stay strong, stay positive. You miss Glenn's jokes, Dale's talks and Daryl's lessons. So: woman up and fight. In the end you will walk out of here with your head held high. _It was almost as if he was singing the last few words.

Voices from outside interrupted our conversation. I could hear muffled voices. As I started to crawl to the wall I winced in pain. My back suddenly hurt and I remembered Phillip cutting into my back. I ignored the pain as I heard a man's voice. "We should leave them … Joe's group is no good. Let us go, take her with us to Woodburry." Someone hushed him. I pressed my ear against the wall. But I just heard fading low voices.

"Ya eavesdropping?" I turned around and for a moment I saw Daryl. My heart began to beat faster. I remembered his face when he had caught me out on eavesdropping Shane and Lori. But that had been a long time ago and I realized it couldn't be him. When I looked at the figure again I saw the man called Joe in front of the bars. He walked to the side of the room looked out of the window and smiled. I wanted to ask him what he saw but saw no point in starting a conversation. He turned his attention back on me. "I heard your name 's Ella. What a beautiful name." His eyes bored into mine. "Andy asks me all the time about you. Tell ya what: Women are trouble." He sat down on a chair. "I want my men to be satisfied, but there are some rules, you know. Otherwise we would all be monsters."

What the hell was he telling me about rules? What a damn fucker. "What's the point in telling me anyway? You all are monsters and murderer to me." I stared back at him. After the talk to my brother's voice I was full of rage and hate. A pool of emotions stirred up inside me, and I remembered it all … the death of my brother, the killing of my friends, and the humiliation … I began to shake with rage. These people were responsible for the loss of my friends and my damn situation. These thoughts and feelings made me strong and summoned up my last reserves of strength to be ready to fight back.

"Your master is quiet a pigheaded fellow." My blood ran cold at his words. "Last time we met pretty girls we fucked them in front of their father's eyes and killed them all together." I couldn't believe he smiled while talking as if he recalled a happy memory. "You are sick." I spat into his direction. "If I would have the strength I would kill you." This time I was the one who smiled. He stood up and I was afraid to be tortured. I shook my head, as if I could shake the fear away. But he didn't come closer.

"I like you, like the fire in your eyes. You are the type that never gives up." But I definitely didn't like the look in his eyes. "You remind me of my sister – may God rest her soul. She was a wild child just like you." "You don't know me in any way!" I shot him a filthy look. Joe just laughed. I was about to stand up and fight back, when Joe looked out of the window and went for the door. In the moment he opened the door Milton was about to open it too. "Oh!" He seemed surprised to see Joe in here and immediately looked at me. He saw me behind the bars untouched and seemed to be relieved. Joe smiled at him while he grabbed Milton's left shoulder hard. "You had a pretty little talk with your leader?" Milton looked to the ground like a caught child. I could only imagine that Joe squeezed Milton's shoulder tight. "I don't know what you are talking about." He freed himself from Joes grab and quickly went over to me. Joe laughed again and went out whistling.

Milton's face was more pale and insecure than before. "Here!" He took a weapon out of his jacket and showed me a knife. So in the end he showed mercy. With all might I stood up and hobbled to the bars and took the knife realizing it was Daryl's hunting knife. My knife. "We will leave tonight. Be ready!" He turned and without looking back he went out as fast as he could. I couldn't even ask any questions. I looked at my knife in my hands. The knife Daryl had given me to defend myself … I hid it inside my boot. Next time I would be ready to defend myself!

_See, everything worked out just fine! _I touched my right boot again and felt the knife inside. I was relieved and felt somehow stronger. "I can defend myself next time". I told myself again. _There won't be a next time._ "What do you know?" _I know you are stronger than you think. Tonight you will escape. _I uttered a brief laugh and leaned my head against the cold bars. This wouldn't be an escape at all, it would be fleeing from the fire into the next stage of hell. Even I felt stronger and more confident I was still weak and hungry. I didn't trust anyone, not even Milton. Maybe it was a trap, maybe it was real.

* * *

I heard rattling and opened my eyes. I must have fallen asleep again. I was sitting with my back against the bars, my arms up. What the hell? There was a heavy weight on my wrists. I was chained to the bars?! I couldn't remember anyone entering the cell chaining me. When did they do it? _You passed out lil' one._ "I did? When?" _Don't think about it._ It was not an instruction but sympathetic pity.

"Who are you talking to?" I looked right into Andy's smiling eyes. Next to him was another guy. My eyes widened at the look of the chain around both of my wrists. "Look at that body." He pulled my legs and I slit to the ground. Andy swung his leg over me and sat down on my stomach. I tried to struggle, but the other goy held my hands. "Keep quiet Andy." It was the guy from before. What was his name again … Len?! Len came closer while Andy slid down to sit on my legs.

"Grab her tight, don't want her to go all crazy." Len nodded, his facial expressions as cold as a rock. He looked me right in the eyes, but wasn't looking at me at all. "Please. Don't do …" But in that moment he punched me right in the face. When I looked at him again, he pulled out a rag and plugged it in my mouth. I screamed, but all I heard was a muffled sound no one outside would hear. I felt a sharp pain in my right leg. With wide eyes I saw Andy holding a knife and cutting my pants. I screamed under the rag and tried to break free, but they just pushed me harder to the ground. I wanted to look at Len, fix him with my eyes, but his eyes were all over my body. I would never forget his greedily look. Pure angst grew inside me. Then Andy cut the inside of my thigh lightly. I cried out loud. "Stop your game over there. It's my turn now." I saw Len moving, but Andy pushed him back. "Not yet." He turned to me and caressed my face with the bloody knife. "You thought you could survive in this world? Vermin like you is for the birds. Only good to fuck." With his knife he cut my already torn shirt in two, starring at my bra. I chewed on the rag and tried to disgorge it. "Jerk off!"

I trembled under the hard grasp of Len. "I like it when they fight back." I had heard that sentence before. Merle said it to me before Daryl helped me, rescued me. I looked behind Andy, but Daryl wasn't there to safe my life this time. _Fight him, struggle! Don't let them hurt you._ And so I did, but it was two against one. Two strong gorillas against a three-legged dog. Andy punched me hard in the stomach and I exhaled loudly. He stood up. "That's for ma brother!" He kicked me into the side and I screamed in pain. He kicked me again and I hoped he hadn't broken my ribs. I cried in agony, not able to move. Len shifted in his place as if he was excited. "Please let me have a go." Andy ignored him. "I want her to experience all forms of pain." Tears of fear streamed down my face as Andy took off his pants and kneeled between my legs. By the look of his naked flesh I tried to kick him. He just laughed at my struggle. With a quick movement he opened my pants and I felt his hard dick between my legs. "No!" I wriggled under him but still felt the tip of his cock too close. I spat into his face when I saw a shadow moving behind him. Would Daryl come to rescue me again?

Milton appeared out of the dark. Suddenly Andy gave out a loud breath and I realized the tip of a knife came out of his mouth. I saw Phillip behind him, pulling out his knife. Len let go off me, but before he could scream Phillip punched him hard in the face and pushed his head into the bars. Len went limb on the ground. I hastily buttoned up my jeans.

Milton grabbed my arm and helped me up. "Can you walk?" I was not used to a nice touch and shook him off. He looked at the cuffs around my wrists but didn't open them. Phillip looked back at us. "We have to be fast. Don't want these guys to follow us to our sweet little home." I didn't want to go with them. But Milton grabbed me again and I based myself on him while he pulled me with him. This was the first time I went through the cell door, out of my dungeon, and behind the bars. Phillip took a gun out of the back of his trousers and opened the door to the outside world. He nodded and ordered us to follow. I was afraid of what would welcome me behind this wooden door. But as I stepped outside it was silent. I was afraid someone would hear my heart beading fast. We went left, Phillip in front of us. It was my chance to pull out my knife and stab him, but Milton's grab was tight. I felt like being glued to his side, while he still dragged me with him. Would I have the strength to stay or walk all by myself? While we were running through the woods, I thought about my next step. What could I do? _What about run for your life? _

We already had covered a great distance. Perchance now was the time to break free. "Let me go." Phillip turned around. "We are saving your life." I hated this man with all my heart.

"No. You are postponing my death." Milton seemed shocked at my words but Phillip slapped me with the back of his hand across the face. "Ingrate!" There was fury in his eyes but his voice steady like always. He muttered and walked on. Again Milton followed him and pulled me with him. We walked a while until I heard the well-known gnarling. A few zombies were crossing our path. If Phillip would shoot the others would hear it and know our position. Phillip seemed to know that too. He pulled out his knife and began to stab the walking dead bodies. I felt Milton flinch next to me, he retched. I looked to the other side when he puked.

When I turned my head to look at him, a walker was coming at us with intense speed. I shoved Milton to the side and grabbed the knife from the inside of my boot. But the walker was too fast. It tackled me down and fell on me. When my back met the ground a low cry of pain escaped my lips. Everything was dark. Were my eyes closed? Did the walker kill me? My whole body hurt and I felt my heart beading fast almost exploding in my chest. I heard voices. When I tried to open my eyes, I saw that luckily my knife had went through the walker's throat into his head. I shut my eyes in relief. Suddenly I felt myself getting wet. The walker must have transformed a while ago. Its rotting body must be open. I felt the rest what was left of my clothes were soaking in its blood and bowel. My breathing became slow. This was it … _Don't move!_

"Oh god, is she dead?" I heard Milton next to me, a hand on my face. Someone released the safety catch of a gun. It must be Phillip. "No! She saved my life." Milton pleaded. "Let her be! Let's go." I heard him staying up. Phillip didn't say anything at all. I heard their footsteps, they must be walking away. The sound of rustling leaves faded.

I carefully opened my eyes after a while. I looked left and right, no Phillip, no Milton. I shoved the walker off me and looked around again. I finally was alone. I slowly stood up and walked to the next tree under pain. I looked down on me, blood was all over my body. I was wounded and hungry … and my legs wouldn't carry me miles. _But you have to run. Run Ella! _And I obeyed. I began to run but a few trees later I was stopped by two walkers. I saw them looking at me, but they didn't move into my direction. I slowly moved to the side but they didn't seem to be interested in me at all. _It must be the blood of the walker all over your body!_ Like this – rotten blood and the insides of the walker all over me – I could survive a little longer. I began to move faster. I started running again and looked back to check if the walkers would follow me, but they didn't.

**Hope you enjoied this chapter and i didn't scare anyone off. Next chapter is already written, i had a run ;o)  
See ya guys soon! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello again ;o) wohho next update! Well the chapter 15 doesn't really feel right, maybe i ll rewrite it ... but i wanted to go on, there are so many ideas in my head and i don't want to keep you waiting. So without further babble, have fun reading: **

I stumbled through the woods. My face was swollen, my lips and nose bloody. Did I taste something else but blood in the last days when I had been imprisoned by these bastards? I didn't want to know what I looked like with walker's blood all over me. My left arm was like a dried leaf at a tree, waiting for the next wind to be blowing away. I would never be able to use this arm again. It was dead, couldn't even move my fingers. At least I could move my right arm even if it hurt. I took a closer look and saw the cuts the men had made on my wrist and arm. _Don't think about that now. Run. Stay conscious and run!_ I sped up, but was stopped by a gnarling. A walker was in front of me, but he wasn't looking my direction. He hadn't seen me … had he? I slowly walked backwards. But all the leaves and branches on the ground made a rustling noise. The walker turned and looked my direction, but wasn't moving. Maybe the walker's blood on my body still gilded my own scent. Just in case, I hid behind a tree and peeked out. I heard metallic rattling. A closer looked told me the dead body was caught in a bear trap. I exhaled in relieve.

Slowly I made my way away from the zombie and walked on. If there was a bear trap, maybe there was a hunter around. Maybe I was lucky to find someone to help me. I stopped realizing I didn't want to meet someone, didn't want to be imprisoned again. _Not everyone is a threat. Think about your group._ I just sneered at his words. "I learned pretty fast that human beings are more to fear than human eating dead bodies." He didn't have a comment on that. No … from now on I had to make it on my own. Or just die! _No Ella, you are not going to kill yourself!_

I walked on thinking about suicide. After this nightmare I wanted to finish this fucking life. _NO!_ "It's my decision!" _Don't dare to open that door!_ "Leave me alone for once!" Silence. I breathed in deep, welcoming nothing but silence. When I breathed out I felt a sting in my shoulder. I was still wounded and my legs burned … To die now would end all the pain. I walked on and saw a street, but didn't dare to go there. Streets always lead to civilizations. I learned that at school. I was afraid that Joe or Phillip would look for me or just run my way again. I stepped out of the trees, looking right and left like a primary school kid on his way home. There was no living and no dead to be seen, so I ran across the street and deeper into the woods on the other side.

After I slowed down my legs hurt like hell again. I wanted to lie down, but that was not an option. I leaned against a tree instead and puffed. If I would lie down now I would never have the strength to stand up again. I reeled to the next tree and rested again. The cuffs around my wrists, had made them sore. How could I get rid of them? I tried to pull my hand out of the cuffs, but nothing. How long could I go on like this?

Chattering of teeth. I looked around the tree to find a rotten man slurping through the woods. "Goodbye brother!" Suddenly the voice was back. _Don't do this to yourself. He will eat you alive._ Maybe he was right, but in this world life wasn't worth living anymore. I had lost my family, my beloved ones, my groups and friends. I had lost my pride and my dignity. I was **lost**. "Everything comes at an end eventually." I was wounded and there was no aid, no help at all. Maybe I was out of my mind to act like that but I didn't care anymore. I approached the gnarling geek. My thoughts were all around the voice of my brother, but he kept quiet. "I'll always love you brother, in life and in death …" The walker sniffed in the air, as if he smelled my scent, my blood. He turned to face me. "Come and get me motherfucker." _I love you too Ella._ _But this is wrong …_

I closed my eyes and waited for the hungry walker. I was beyond fear and sane there was no hope left in me. It felt like forever before the geek knocked me over. I was relieved and full of anguish at the same time. But it wasn't moving or did it already kill me? Was I dead? I slowly opened my eyes to see the walker all-not-moving-dead over me. I heard someone calling. Fear took hold on me. Through my messy hair, which was glued to my face by my own blood, I saw two figures coming at me. I stood up in a rush and began to stumble backwards. Could it be Milton and Phillip? I thought I had been running for miles in the other direction. All the time I hoped Milton would bar Phillip from following me. I would never go back to this hell. I began to cry and ran. Did God hate me so much to pull me through this shit? I didn't believe in God but now I wished there was a God who would sent Angels to save me from this living hell.

Someone grabbed me from behind and we fell to the ground. My head met the ground and I heard the sound of nose-cracking. I was lying on my stomach, someone on my back. "No!" I screamed and tried to push the person away from me. But that someone grabbed my wrist. I wondered why they would touch me softly like that instead of beating me. I fought back, struggled. "Ella!?" The person on my back turned me carefully around. Who was that … calling my name? "Calm down." Did I hallucinate my brother again? This was too real to be a voice in my head.

I looked up to the person on top of me, it was a man. He stood up slowly, never letting go off my wrist. "Oh my god." He spoke again. That voice … so familiar. "What happened to you?" He touched my face and freed my face from strands of hair. I tried to push myself away from the stranger and saw him clearly. "Daryl?" He pushed me softly to his chest. His body was warm and comfy. I closed my eyes and smiled, relaxing instantly. God must exist, sending me an angel to free my soul form a dead hell life. "I must be dead." He shifted and I felt a hand on my back. "Ya not dead!" I smiled to his chest. "Never mind, I'm already off." He stood up and took me into his arms. I felt his every move in my body. My bones were shattering with every move he made. I couldn't tell if he was running, flying or something else, but every movement tortured me. "Ella, stay awake!" I breathed in his muddy scent, it sure was Daryl. "No need to. Now I can finally rest."

I heard another voice. "Oh my god, is that really Ella?" Was it Glenn's voice? "Why are her hands cuffed? What happened to her body?" I remembered what was left of my shirt was just a fabric rag, hanging loose around my upper body. They must see my bra, my naked torso. But right now I didn't care. Daryl shifted me in his embrace, so my front clung to his chest. He had protected me from the walker and now he protected me to be seen half naked.

"Stay with me!" His voice was a relief to the pain I felt. But I couldn't keep the promise to stay awake. I already told this world goodbye and my will to live was long gone. At the end I was reunited with at least two members of my group. The one I had dreamed about and thought about the whole time. "Thank you." I whispered.

"Ya thank me when ya damn open your eyes!" His hard steady voice was pleading. "Open your eyes!" He screamed at me. But I drifted off to the Neverlands. Joining Peter Pan and the **Lost** Boys.

* * *

I woke up in a white dream. Everything was bright and shiny. I felt pure relief in me. No pain, but happiness rushed through me. I finally was with my family again, reunited with my beloved. I reached out my hand and someone took it. A soft hold. A smile escaped my lips. That must be heaven, even the touch felt warm and gentle. Someone was caressing my wrist, tracing the cuts on my arm. And there I saw my brother awaiting me.

"Ella, wake up. Please open ya eyes!" It was no pleading, just talking. The voice ruined my white dream and my eyes popped open. It was bright, but not white and shiny. It was dirty and I saw bars. I began to panic, couldn't breathe … But the hand holding my hand squeezed me softly. "Ya're safe!" My eyes wandered from the bars to the person sitting next to me. "Daryl?" His unreadable eyes tried to read mine.

"How ya feelin' bad ass?" I wanted to sit up, but he pushed me carefully into the mattress. "Don't move. Better lay down a little longer." I jerked when he touched me and he immediately pulled back his hands. There was another person, someone was standing behind the bars. From the corner of my eye I saw grayish white hair. I immediately pulled the blanket to my chin. "She just woke up." Daryl told the person and stood up. But at the sight of the bars and the stranger my heartbeat fastened. I grabbed for Daryl. "Don't leave!"

"Wasn't goin' to." He was about to push me back to the mattress, but I avoided his hands by leaning back. Daryl gave me a puzzled look and stepped back, so the old man could walk in. The man entered the cell and I began to quiver. I looked at the crutches he needed to walk. I felt Daryl's eyes on me. "What happened to ya?" Instead to answer I looked up and saw a smiling old man next to him. "Hello Ella. My name is Hershel. I am a doctor. Would you please let me check your wounds?" I didn't dare to move. I sat up stark and stiff. My heart beating faster and faster.

He slowly sat down where Daryl had sat before. "You must have been going through hell. All these wounds and cuts." I watched him examining my right arm. Then he turned to my other arm. For the first time I realized my left arm was strapped to my chest. I didn't feel my left arm at all when he touched it. My empty eyes followed every move he made. "Do you feel me touching your arm?" I answered by shaking my head. He pulled out a small needle and carefully pricked it on the top of every of my fingers. When he turned to my middle finger it hurt. I winced. "Good. So you are still feeling something here." His warm smile made me feel better. I felt like a grandfather was mollycoddling his grandchild.

"The useful finger!" I shot Daryl a look. He stood there joking … A stranger examined my wounds, helped me … I realized I wasn't dead. I was with Daryl. Suddenly I felt tears streaming down my face. Both man looked at me. I fought the tears back, didn't want to cry in front of them, but I couldn't stop the water breaking.

Two other persons appeared at the bars. A girl with short brown hair and a man. It was Glenn. "Ella!" He rushed into the cell. I whipped away the tears with the back of my right hand. "You're awake!" The brunette's eyes were wide in shock. "Oh my god." Glenn hugged me and I flinched. He pulled back, not noticing my reaction. He looked happy and vital. "You finally woke up." Finally? How long had I been knocked out? I looked behind him at the girl. So many faces, so many people at once in this small cell. Cell, bars … I felt my stomach turn. I felt like there was no air to breathe, nothing to hold on to. This was too much. I felt a black cloud over my head and everything went black. I could feel Glenn shaking me with great care, but it hurt my every bone. "Ella!" I heard their voices. "Will she be okay?" Was that Daryl's voice?

I felt a hand on my forehead, on my wrist. "Her body was torn to pieces. I don't know what she must have been through." It was the old man speaking, his voice had a warm tone.

"Dad, what are you talking about?" An unfamiliar voice. A girl. Maybe the one who came with Glenn.

"All the cuts and bruises. Someone must have tortured her. Elsewise …" He paused and sighed. "I couldn't explain all the wounds." His voice sounded sad and kind of shattering. "Someone carved MINE into her back and …" His voice failed to go on. I remembered Phillip cutting my back but I never knew he wrote something there. I was near edge.

"What?" It was Daryl again, his voice wrathful than ever. I heard wood burst asunder. Did he break something in this small cell? They saw my body … they saw it all …

"Calm down, don't wake her up. She needs to rest." It was the old man, Hershel. I heard moving, footsteps on the cement floor and the clung of his crutches. He must be exiting the cell.

"Oh my god." A woman's voice again. "Ella!" Did everybody who joined my little cell party have a password or what? Everyone used these three words when coming near me. I thought about to never look into a mirror ever again. "What happened to her?"

"Dunno!" Daryl was still here. I wanted to open my eyes, wanted to know if he was still there, but I was too weak to open my eyes or to move.

"Did she wake up?" The woman was still talking. Was it Lori, or Andrea or Carol? I couldn't tell.

"I few minutes ago, but passed out again." Daryl's words were short as always. Some things never change.

"All the bandages … what did Hershel say?"

"Cuts, bruises and broken arm." So my arm was broken. I never had any broken bones before.

Someone touched my face, I couldn't flinch, couldn't move. I didn't want to be touched at all. "Her face … she had been so pretty." My face? What was wrong with my face?

"You think she is ever gonna smile again?" Was that Carl's voice? I heard a baby scream. A baby? No that couldn't be … "Carl! Calm Judith down or she'll weak up Ella." Judith?

"She was always smiling at me, Carol." It must be Carl's voice, he sounded so grown-up. "She always smiled." So it was Carol I heard talking to Carl.

Was I dead? I couldn't react to their voices, couldn't move, and not even open my eyes. I just heard them talking until their voices faded away

* * *

I opened my eyes and looked around. It was dark, no voices, no one around. I sat up, realizing I was still in a cell. Did they imprison me too? The thought about being imprisoned again drove me crazy. But the cell door was open, I could escape. Looking down on me, my left arm was still strapped to my body. I wore a grey shirt I've never seen before. I threw back the sheet with just using my right hand and looked at my legs. I wore dark brown shorts I didn't remember wearing last time I looked down on me. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. The thought of being in a prison killed me. I rose from the bed, my bare feet touching the cold floor. My legs hurt, but the pain was endurable, and I tried to walk. It was hard, but with my right hand at the wall steadying me, I moved on. I slowly walked to the open door of my cell and looked left, there was a dead end. I looked right: Bingo, an open door. I silently dragged myself out of my cell. I was walking along a corridor of cells realizing that I wasn't imprisoned, but we all were in a prison …

They all seemed to sleep in cells. I heard slow and even breathes and someone was snorting. At the end of the corridor I looked into a kind of huge kitchen/dinning room. Apples were on the table and my belly growled. I walked over to the table, taking an apple. While taking a bit, which tasted so good, I scanned the room and saw a door to my left. Maybe a way out. Ignoring the racking pains, I slowly walked to the door and opened it. It was still dark, but you could see the sun would rise soon. Behind the dark shadows of the tress the sky was lightly blue. I closed the door and leaned against the high walls of the prison exhaling in relieve. I couldn't believe they were living in a prison.

In front of me was a green yard where cars were parked … and a bike. I smiled. These were the same cars. They all were still together, everybody must be alive. I looked at the fences and the watchtowers. They were safe here. It was a bastion against the dead. I felt calmed and better.

I slid down the wall next to the door. The sun began to rise. Closing my eyes, I felt rays of sunlight warming up my face. "What the hell do ya think ya doin' out here?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at Daryl, who stood to my right. "Enjoying the sunup." I answered with a tired smile.

He sat down next to me. "How ya feelin'?" I closed my eyes again, soaking up the warmth of the sun. "Better I think …" I breathed again.

"Who did this to you?" He went like a bullet at a gate. I stood quiet. "Are they close?"

"Don't think so." I clenched my fist. They couldn't be close, they just had to be far far away.

"Ella!"

"Hm?!" I was growing tired. The days of being imprisoned had made me weak and my body ached for gaining strength through sleep.

"No one will ever do something like that to you ever again." His words were sharp and I looked at him. Through his shaggy hair his eyes were looking into mine. "No one will ever hurt you again." He told me again while all the memories came flashing back. The death of people I loved, the killing of my friends … "Promise?"

We still looked into each other's eyes and I felt a feeling long forgotten inside me. His blue piercing eyes were like an ocean of mysteries to me. Why did this man arose such feelings inside me? I realized he hadn't answered, but I didn't need him to, he had already said no one would ever hurt me again, that was enough. I rested my head on his shoulder. I would never have done that in the past, besides he would never have allowed someone to be so close. But I felt empty and needed to be near him to know I wasn't dreaming all of this. Daryl didn't protest and didn't sound angry. Had he changed? "I'm not lettin' anything like that happen to ya again." He sat there next to me … how could this be real? "I promise to never leave you on your own again."

I smiled. "Deal."

"Are you smiling again bad ass?" I could hear him smiling and I happily sighed. He still called me that name … In my dreams he called me Ella, so I wasn't dreaming, this was real …

I must have fallen asleep. When I opened my eyes the sun was already up. It was a sunny day, birds singing and it was warm. I felt like a happy nightmare was laughing at me, teasing me. I was waiting for the deathsman to wrest all this away from me, this just had to be a dream. I lifted my head from the pillow. Pillow? I was outside, how could there be a pillow. I wasn't imprisoned no more, I was outside, I was free?! The pillow was dark trousers. I looked up the torso, up the chest up to the face, to find Daryl looking at me. This was not a nightmare at all. "Sorry." I stammered.

"What for?" I couldn't read his blue eyes

"For falling asleep on you." I rested my back against the wall again. Was it a dream within a dream? Was I really finally reunited with my group? _Yeah, you are finally home!_ But at what price …

I felt Daryl's eyes on me. If this really was a dream I enjoyed every second I had with Daryl. It was like seeing a friend from the past again. It felt normal to talk to him, normal to be around him. It felt good. I examined his whole appearance. One arm rested on his cocked knee, the other leg outstretched. It looked casual, but Daryl normally hadn't been that casual. I reached out for him, thinking he would disappear when I would touch him, but my fingertips met his skin and he was still there. I touched his face with my right hand. His expressions unchanged … small eyes, thin lips. I glanced at his lips, than into his eyes again. His hair had grown longer and I liked the way his eyes could hide behind it. It suited him well. My heartbeat fastened.

I had so many questions … Suddenly I could see questions in his eyes too. He would ask me where I had been, what had happened. I remembered him and the others talking in the cell about my wounds and bruises. They wanted to know what had happened … but I wasn't ready to talk about it. Would I ever be ready to talk about what happened? _Don't shut down now._

My eyes wanderer over to the yard and to the fence. My heart stopped when I caught sight of wooden crosses. I stood up. I already felt healthier, better. I slowly started walking towards a little graveyard at the end of the green yard. While I walked over, pain rushed through me. It was not only the pain from my leg and arm, but mental pain. I heard some gnarling and low humming. I looked left and saw some dead bodies pressing themselves against the double-fence. At first I had thought this place was safe, but now that I saw graves again … I just knew there wouldn't be a safe place at all. My faith in finding real shelter and safety for the group diminished.

I sat down in front of the no-name crosses. They looked like the wooden crosses at the campsite. Andrea had told me Amy had died. So the cross with the bracelet really had been Amy's. Looking at the crosses in front of me I recognized these graves were newly dug. The ground looked freshly piled up. With my right hand I touched the grass beneath me slightly, it was so soft. Everything felt so unreal … the soft grass, the warm sun, the safety behind the fences … So far I had only met Daryl and Glenn again. I had heard Carols' and Carl's voices. I had seen strangers, old man Hershel and a brunette. I hadn't seen or heard Andrea, Rick or T-Dog, no Shane and no Dale. Were they all living in this prison together?

"This one is T-Dog's. He died while protectin' Carol." I heard Daryl talking behind me. He must have followed me down here. "This one is for Lori. She died while we were attacked. She had a baby, gave birth to a girl while dyin'. Carl shot her." Shocked I rested my head on my crocked knees, my eyes never leaving the crosses. Carl had shot his own mother? What world was this we were living in? But I knew the answer far too well, it was hell.

"At camp we lost Amy and Ed. The Morales family split, drove off to find family." I listened to his steady voice talking to me, recalling the past while tears filled my eyes. Amy's death hurt me more than I thought. "On the way to the CDC Jim died and short after did Jackie." I remembered Doc talking about a CDC, but we had never been there. If we would have driven there first, maybe I wouldn't have been going through hell.

"After the CDC exploded we lost Sophia on the highway and found shelter at a farm. Hershel's farm. There we lost Dale first, than Andrea and Shane." Andrea? No … Tears that had filled my eyes streamed down my cheeks. At least she was reunited with her sister.

"Is that why you never showed up on the highway?" What was I talking about … I had never showed up, why did I accuse him? Silence. I wanted to tell him, that it wasn't anybody's fault – Phillip had found me first – but I couldn't tell him what happened to me afterwards.

Daryl broke the silence first. "I didn't know Andrea met ya … didn't talk to her. But she told Lori. Me and Glenn were drivin' around." He paused. "Looked for ya, but didn't find any sign of ya." Out of the corner of my eye I could see his arm. It looked like he wanted to touch my shoulder, maybe to comfort me, but he hesitated and just stood there not acting at all.

"Not your fault." I finally said and clutched my legs with my right arm. "I never got the chance show up." I felt like I was only a shadow of my former self. So many people had died … Again I felt **lost** and above all I felt guilty.

**So what do you think? I hope you enjoied reading and no worries it s getting better ;o)**


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